The Autistic Body in Menopause

So the eye issue was horrendous.

I'd have blazing pain.

blinding agony and it would just appear out of nowhere there wasn't really any warning that it was coming and it tended to happen when I was driving the uv is really strong down here in Aotearoa New Zealand so I'd be driving around in these new roads I wasn't familiar with two small kids in the back of the car and taking them to different activities and things And I'd have to keep pulling over the car in unfamiliar places.

The roads can be quite narrow and I'm not used to driving here.

So it felt pretty unsafe for us all.

And I'd end up going into cafes or different places and I'd need my heat pad for my eyes to be heated by them so that I could put my eye drops in and just apply heat to my eyes because it was one of the treatments that the specialist recommended and until that point I hadn't even realised what if it was it felt like sunburn or whether my eyes had been scorched or I'd even thought perhaps it was hay fever so I really wasn't any wiser for being told it was because of my age but luckily I'd recently had an MRI for some other issues so that had rumoured out rumored out no hang on that I'd ruled out anything like a tumor that might have been worrying me because I also have health anxiety which is fun But the doctor checked for eye abnormalities and it was pretty straightforward.

So it's because of your age was pretty much the diagnosis and the reasoning.

That was seven years ago and I'm still applying eye drops at least 20 times a day.

So that's ongoing.

It's one of the symptoms that I thought would go but hasn't.

What I didn't know then is that it wasn't the only thing that was changing.

There was so much going on.

Everything was beginning to get harder and harder.

Living in my own body was really uncomfortable.

My eyes had affected everything.

because obviously eyes are super sensitive and they're my gateway to seeing what I'm supposed to be doing, checking my calendar and where I'm supposed to be going and getting around the place.

So it was really hard to drive, hard to read to my kids, hard to just engage in life as I'd known it.

resting my eyes had to become a priority which wasn't what I was used to because I'm autistic and ADHD and at that point I was still pretty energetic I was running around all the place all the time but I was just having to lie down and rest my eyes with heat And having to stay really close to home, because obviously there's only so many places you can lie down with a heat pack on your eyes.

And if I took my kids to the local beach or anything, they'd dry even faster in the sun and the wind.

So it was just uncomfortable and really shrunk my world.

And then I had lots more light sensitivity, which was also really painful in terms of triggering meltdowns and things.

And just being in sensory overload all the time.

Also with the UV and the sun down here, even in winter, the sun has a real glare to it.

So there was no respite from the overwhelm.

It's not like I could wait for the nice shadier months of the year.