Surviving Autistic Menopause

When I turned up to the surgery, I would have been hot and sweaty as usual.

obviously a struggling mother of two with my two kids in tow because homeschool mums take them everywhere I would have driven there it's about half an hour from my house and no doubt I was late and just sweaty and feeling gross and all the way when I'm late driving somewhere I'm thinking in my head trying to script my apology I'm an explanation of why I have messed up again and not made it on time so I was all apologetic and then I just explained when I got into the appointment that I was in constant pain and menstrual pain even though the bleeding had subsided I was in agony a lot of the time I was on hormone blockers as well to stabilize my mood and to stop the bleeding and I

was no longer

ovulating And I had to explain to my doctor all the reasons why I felt it was necessary that I saw a gynaecologist.

And the doctor, having heard everything I'd said and reviewing all my notes, just turned to me and said... that public gynecology didn't have time or resources for my issues.

And I just felt that wasn't the response I needed.

I needed some compassion and some empathy for everything I talked about already.

What I really needed was that referral because I couldn't put up with things as they were.

I couldn't keep going like that.

I tried everything possible.

And I was just desperate and angry.

I felt really patronised and willfully neglected.

But obviously, in the moment, I just nodded along and thought, what do I do next? I've got to get through.

And I can understand that GPs and family doctors are the gatekeepers of the health service and they're trying to protect access to specialists because they don't want to waste resources.

all time I guess but I think I had a pretty good case and when I spoke to a friend who'd been through the surgery just a few months before me she said no they do have time and resources for that because you're going through exactly what I've been through so it's pretty frustrating to not get a consistent account from different doctors some will be more empathetic than others and And I just, it would have been really easy at this point to become really hopeless and feel helpless and just give up because what am I supposed to do? I've tried everything and I know that surgery is the final option.

And I thought back on my lifelong struggle and how I've always thought that I just needed to mask better and to cope better and to look like I'm doing it right.

And then as soon as you unmask and you go to someone and you tell them all your troubles, they still don't see you for who you really are.

They still seem to buy into the mask, which is tricky because I needed to really show the real scope of the problem that I was going through and to seek support urgently because otherwise I wasn't going to be here much longer.

And, you know, I thought the problem was me, but I thought that getting more involved and more knowledgeable would make everything better.

Because I know when I was looking up menopause, if you read about perimenopause from a neurotypical perspective, They will tell you about all the supplements they've tried and how strength training has revitalized their lives and having community because they are all used to chatting away to each other and sharing their feelings and looking at the menopause transition as a spiritual journey.

And often you'll hear people say that they tried HRT and within 24 hours they felt like themselves again.

And that just was not what I was experiencing.

And all the people that I knew who'd been through it and who I'd contacted also were not having this straightforward, idyllic perimenopause transformation.

so I knew that I needed to take a different route surely I wasn't the only one going through this so there was a lot of involuntary unmasking that was happening and I felt that I'd always get found out in the end so I just had to unmask by choice and share what was actually happening to get the right help Things just got harder and harder.

So I just went harder on the research, looking up evidence-based neuroaffirming, neurodivergent affirming research.