and so sometimes it's mentally but then also it's physically they're struggling with the hormonal shifts the erectile changes the mismatch drives pain during sex so what can they do changes what is a good way for them to if they don't have Dr. Stacey, someone listening today, what's something that they can add into their intimacy to take them over to the next, to the other side, shall we say?

The whole thing with the hormones, the first thing that I ask people, because there was such a scare for so many years with women and estrogen, they said, I can't go on hormones.

I don't want to do it because it causes cancer.

I am not a medical doctor.

So don't listen to me.

Go to your hormone specialist.

But I do have a lot of information from the medical field and working with hormones due to menopause and all that kind of stuff.

So when a couple moves through the shame and actually reawakens that part of their life.

oh, why?

Yeah.

Curiosity.

Obviously we're not there in their relationship.

We don't understand their particular dynamic of their relationship.

So of course it might be that.

they were just constantly badgered about the same thing how come you're not doing this maybe that's why you know maybe everybody's situation is different but another one that i got a similar attack on for the women is that when women have let's say they're going through menopause and they don't have desire and they have a partner that is still wanting to be connected still wanting to have sex or be intimate and right away their answer is no again so i say just because you don't have desire doesn't mean you can't get aroused because when you are in menopause and you're not on any type of medication any type of hormones the likelihood of you just having spontaneous desire is going to be pretty non-existent but understanding where you're at if i'm in menopause which i am I know that a year and a half ago, I went from having a very, very strong desire to literally zero.

Have you ever recommended they go down the path of exploring hormone replacement therapy? Every single

So now please welcome the host of the Purple Passion Project, Dr. Stacey Friedman.

What do you get when you mix purple, passion, and permission to be your true self? This podcast.

Hi, I'm your host, Dr. Stacey, and this is the Purple Passion Project, coming to you live and unfiltered.

It's the show where we talk sex, intimacy, connection, everything underneath the surface, because let's be honest, small talk is boring and you are ready for the good stuff.

So relax, drop your guard, and get ready for some truth, laughs, maybe a few gasps and a whole lot of passion.

And today we are going to be diving deep into the world of curiosity, communication, and how asking better questions can lead to better sex.

And that's something we all want.

And so do you think that joking about it is a healthy way to do it? Because then it's like, oh, it's a joke, and if they don't take it, it's okay.

How was that for you? And, uh, was making the choice to go that route an easy one at all?

Well, it just so happened that when I was doing-- I was an ultrasound technologist for 26 years, so I was in the medical field for a long time, and I was going through my divorce Because of so much lack of intimacy, so many intimate problems.

It wasn't just the sex, there was a lot more, but we have a very good relationship, and we were business partners, basically.

We were friends.

And I'm going through this divorce with two young kids and realizing I need to do more, and there was a lot of shame on his side of me being in this field.

So when as soon as we got divorced, I was like, "Okay, what do I really wanna do? I really want to help people in the sexuality realm, and I wanna do it without shame." So I went ahead and I did it.

It was, I don't know if I can curse, but it was effing torture [laughs] because here I am going through a divorce, having a 9 and 11 year old, trying to figure out how am I gonna, like, support myself, leaving-- I couldn't do my ultrasound anymore 'cause of my shoulder, and I'm going through this, this thing literally crying to my mentor, "Help me!" [laughs] You know? So it was, it was really, really difficult.

Why do you think that is?

So now please welcome the host of the Purple Passion Project, Dr. Stacey Friedman.

What do you get when you mix purple, passion, and permission to be your true self? this podcast hi i'm your host dr stacey and this is the purple passion project coming to you live and unfiltered it's the show where we talk sex intimacy connection and everything underneath the surface because let's be honest small talk is boring and you're ready for the good stuff so relax drop your guard get ready for truth laughs maybe a few guests and a whole lot of passion and today we are diving into one of my favorite topics pleasure in all its delicious forms.

We're talking orgasms for men and women, what keeps us from reaching them, how to unlock satisfying connected experiences in the bedroom.

I want to explore how to turn good sex into great sex, navigating mismatched desire, all these great subjects.

And with us today to guide us through it all, I am joined by the brilliant Dr. Rachel Needle.

who is a licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, and also co-director of the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes.

She's also been a voice in Glamour, Cosmo, Men's Health, Washington Post, I can go on and on.

But it can feel just as good without having one.

So now please welcome the host of the Purple Passion Project, Dr. Stacey Friedman.

what do you get when you mix purple passion and permission to be your true self this podcast hi i'm your host dr stacey and this is the purple passion project coming to you live and unfiltered this is the show where we talk sex intimacy connection and everything underneath the surface because let's be honest small talk is boring and you're ready for the good stuff so relax drop your guard and get ready for some truth laughs maybe a few gasps, and a whole lot of passion.

So today's guest is someone whose work aligns perfectly with mine and our mission to helping people in the sexuality field.

Her name is Sky Blue Kutchey, also known as Blue.

And she's a certified relationship, intimacy, and sex therapist and has spent over seven years helping women and couples reclaim desire, transform their intimate lives.

And her motto, which I love, is Life is Too Short for Bad Sex.

So she's a pleasure advocate and a founder of Intimacy with Blue.

It's like a conversation,

Mm-hmm

... and, and, and many others, timing, like, slower timing.

Because a lot of times if you're in those beginning stages, you might just wanna be, like, you know, bumping like bunnies and you're all ready to go, but in longer term relationships-The timing of being slow, intentional, that build up, um, the kisses that do not lead to anything.

When I tell people that my husband and I make out on a daily basis, but obviously we don't have sex on a daily basis, but we are constantly making out.

We are playful.

We are flirting.

Those are things that it's a skill, and I teach that skill.

Mm-hmm.