What does Zoella owe me?

What I've been up to this week is, this week has been the first week where I've fully got to commit a whole week to like beginning to fight my back off.

exciting um and this is the thing right something I will like try to cut myself a little bit of slack because number one writing a book versus like planning a podcast episode or writing a video essay is obviously a lot slower because you have to be super intentional with your wording I will say that I even if I think that what I'm writing is bad I will still continue to write it because I the attitude and the mindset I'm going at it with.

And it's the thing, I think it's, well, this is the thing, a very common thing, which I have realized when writing is that when you first write something, you're like, this is terrible.

This is so terrible.

And like the way I describe writing is it sort of feels like this.

like that's sort of how it feels when you write.

And then you're like, this is literally the worst thing in the world.

And then you read it back a week later and you're like, that's actually not that bad.

That's sort of my experience with it so far.

And the attitude which I'm going in is I can fix it in the edit.

Just keep going.

I can edit it.

I can fix it in the edit.

Because guys, you can edit a bad page, but you can't edit a blank one exactly so I've still been writing which I'm very proud of obviously it's a slow process plus I am like right at the early early stages of the book like I'm writing the first chapter at the moment which is going to contribute to my writing sample and basically how it works is that I write my writing sample which needs to be around 10 pages and I'm on page number seven let's I need to write my writing sample and then we move on to like basically the book structure, organizing interviews, all of that for the proposal.

So at the moment, Because my first chapter, I know what it's about, but it's not, I'm writing it super intuitively at the moment because I'm going to try and organise my first interview on Monday.

I'm writing it super intuitively, which means essentially instead of my usual, the way I used to write video essays, which would be me and Leanne would have a research meeting.

She'd drop me off a big load of research.

I'd read the research, I'd structure the video, and then I would start writing.

I would have the research to reference off of.

this time it's I'm essentially researching as I go along and I'm basically writing this chapter as I go along because I haven't got like a full plan for the chapter yet although I know what it's about I don't have it exactly dotted down the same way I would a video essay so I think in that way I haven't been able to like get into a flow because I've just been very stoppy starty research here research there and I'm trying to factor that in bear that in mind that I'm doing something new plus I'm writing at the moment something very intuitive very intuitively and also I have sort of just been like I'll spend like a whole day just like I want to work on my book today so like it sort of feels like that I'm not up to much like it feels like I'm like not being productive and then I think the worst thing for me when it came to my ADHD before I got diagnosed was the guilt like I would genuinely it was like this dread and this guilt that I would feel if I didn't feel like I worked enough and I think that working on something as different as like a book where like I can't be like, write chapter one because I can't write chapter one in a day.

So I just have to, I do have to go keep writing chapter one.

And it feels like this thing where like I'm writing into the ether.

Like, do you know what I mean? Like, it doesn't feel like I'm being productive even though I am.

So to be fair, already speaking about it with you guys has made me feel loads better about it.

So it's been very that vibe.