Pathological Demand Avoidance: The Lived Experience, with Kendahl Damashek

Now, just to get back to terminology and definitions, if you could... kind of review um the meanings of pda because i i'm going to be quite honest when i first heard a number of years ago about pathological demand avoidance my first reaction was oh god okay we're saying that the kid is is damaged and wrong and we're pathologizing the kid Right.

And then the shift happened.

No, we're not saying that.

That's the term that we initially began with.

So if you could speak to those issues about terminology that you think is more accurate and respectful rather than blaming the child.

Yes, absolutely.

So I want to address this in two ways.

I want to address like the actual terminology that we have used and that is now more frequently being used.

But before I even go there, I want to say, you know, consistent with this philosophy that like Part of showing respect for another individual is respecting their autonomy.

I don't like to police language, right? So people come into this with different understandings of what is going on with themselves or what is going on with their child.

And there's also research that uses the term pathological.

So for pragmatic reasons, if you refer to it as something entirely different, people may not know what you're talking about or may not be able to, like, look up the research that has been done to see what support there is for it, right? Good point.

And also, like, families will come to me when they work with me, usually using the term pathological demand avoidance because that is the term that has historically been used.

And the last thing I'm going to do is correct them, right? When...

our whole, you know, our whole interaction at that point.

And the point of us working together is to understand how do we infuse autonomy into our interactions with other people? I'm like, I'm not here to tell you what to do or how to speak.

So, you know, you're allowed to use different words than I do, right? Like that's a choice you can make.

You have autonomy around it.

Now, in terms of like the actual terminology, You know, I think the word pathological, right, is referring to it being part of a disease or an illness.

And PDA can absolutely, and in many cases, is, at least for, you know, the families that end up coming to me, disabling.

But I don't think it is pathological, right? I conceptualize PDA as a neurotype.

And under different conditions, it's not disabling at all and can actually be a strength and an asset, right? Like, A lot of parents who I work with, who come to me because of their kids, a lot of times they'll recognize that, that this profile fits their own neurotype.

And many of them are extremely creative.

They're innovators, they're thought leaders in their fields.

They're inventors that, you know, like they've created software that you and I use every day.