Ep. 19 — How to Stop Playing Small and Start Owning the Room with Deb Liu

So this stay small, play it safe, protect yourself, put your head down.

There's a part of this that heartbreakingly I'm understanding.

I'm like, I understand the ways in which it would feel very scary as a child to be in that situation.

And as you are growing in your career, at some point it turns from a way to stay safe to something that I'm assuming probably held you back despite the incredible success that you had with your career.

So I'm curious how that conditioning informed your career and ways in which it might have held you back, if any?

Well, I think it's one of those things where things work until they don't work, right? You outgrow the systems of coping that you have, and then they actually work against you.

And so, you know, the quote is, what gets you here won't get you to the next place.

And I absolutely experienced that.

So playing it small is great when you're in school and there's objective criteria and you take the test and you get the A and you go to college.

And then I studied engineering.

So you didn't have to participate.

You could continue to play small and it was great.

And then I get into consulting and I was like, I never got the highest rating.

And objectively, I'm pretty good at what I do.

And so I went to one of the partners and he's like, you're kind of bad at the client part of client service.

Because, you know, it's really about talking and engaging with the client.

It's spending time with them.

It's not the analysis.

And I just realized that I was playing it small.

And then I get to business school and it's class participation.

It's 30 to 50% of your grade.

And I thought...

Yeah, this is going to be difficult.

And I had to really figure out how do you change everything about yourself that's worked for you, that's protected you for so long.

And that took me a long time to get to.

So this stay small, play it safe, protect yourself, put your head down.

There's a part of this that heartbreakingly I'm understanding.

I'm like, I understand the ways in which it would feel very scary as a child to be in that situation.

And as you are growing in your career, at some point it turns from a way to stay safe to something that I'm assuming probably held you back despite the incredible success that you had with your career.

So I'm curious how that conditioning informed your career and ways in which it might have held you back, if any?

Well, I think it's one of those things where things work until they don't work, right? You outgrow the systems of coping that you have, and then they actually work against you.

And so, you know, the quote is, what gets you here won't get you to the next place.

And I absolutely experienced that.

So playing it small is great when you're in school and there's objective criteria and you take the test and you get the A and you go to college.

And then I studied engineering.

So you didn't have to participate.

You could continue to play small and it was great.

And then I get into consulting and I was like, I never got the highest rating.

And objectively, I'm pretty good at what I do.

And so I went to one of the partners and he's like, you're kind of bad at the client part of client service.

Because, you know, it's really about talking and engaging with the client.

It's spending time with them.

It's not the analysis.

And I just realized that I was playing it small.

And then I get to business school and it's class participation.

It's 30 to 50% of your grade.

And I thought...

Yeah, this is going to be difficult.

And I had to really figure out how do you change everything about yourself that's worked for you, that's protected you for so long.

And that took me a long time to get to.