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The You Project

The You Project

#2237 What Shouldn't We Expect - Bobby Cappuccio

Oct 1, 2026 · 50 min · 9 segments

What should and shouldn’t we expect of others? If anything? Do we expect others to be how we want them to be? Or do we expect them to be what they’ve been the last hundred times? And while we’re at…

What should and shouldn’t we expect of others? If anything? Do we expect others to be how we want them to be? Or do we expect them to be what they’ve been the last hundred times? And while we’re at it, what do we expect of ourselves? Other than expectations, Bobby and I spoke about positive and negative drivers (moving away from the thing we don’t want, moving towards the thing we do want), the confusion around values and purpose, the overuse of self-help cliche’s, motivation as a driver versus motivation as an emotional state and plenty more. Enjoy. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What should and shouldn’t we expect of others? If anything? Do we expect others to be how we want them to be? Or do we expect them to be what they’ve been the last hundred times? And while we’re at…

Speakers: Bobby CappuccioGuestCraig HarperHost

Top entities: Tim Minchin×3 Groundhog Day×3 Heidi Grant- Halvorson×2 John Demartini LinkedIn×2

Moving Away From Fear or Toward Desire0:38 – 6:26

C

Craig HarperHost

0:38

Uh, I've got a question for you.

C

Craig HarperHost

0:40

Talking about setting goals, motivation.

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

0:42

Mm-hmm.

C

Craig HarperHost

0:42

Talking about achieving stuff, what do you think is more powerful as a driver of behavior or a, a kicker in the bum of action taking? Do you think moving away from something you don't want or moving towards something you do want, as they can both be...

C

Craig HarperHost

1:02

You know, like I realized when I was young, I didn't want a traditional job, as in I didn't wanna clock in every day and have a boss and go to the same place every day and do the same or a version of the same job.

C

Craig HarperHost

1:13

It's not good or bad.

C

Craig HarperHost

1:15

Generally speaking, just wasn't good for me.

C

Craig HarperHost

1:17

So one of my key drivers was I don't wanna do this and I don't wanna be in this kind of environment.

C

Craig HarperHost

1:23

So originally, it was almost like a negative motivator.

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

1:27

Mm.

C

Craig HarperHost

1:28

What about you? Do you think, well, for yourself, one or the other or both?

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

1:34

Okay, I'll answer this two ways, for myself and then for human beings in general.

C

Craig HarperHost

1:39

Okay.

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

1:39

For me, it was-

C

Craig HarperHost

1:40

Just for humanity?

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

1:42

Yeah.

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

1:42

Well, I mean-

C

Craig HarperHost

1:43

If I can speak on behalf of humanity.

C

Craig HarperHost

1:45

Yeah.

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

1:45

No, just based on everything I've ever read and, and, you know, all the research that I've come across, I have an idea about what the-

C

Craig HarperHost

1:54

Yeah

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

1:54

... and, and the, the answer is it's complicated.

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

1:57

Um, and of course it's just me and you, so I can speak on behalf of humanity because humanity's not gonna object.

C

Craig HarperHost

2:03

Yes.

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

2:03

And if humanity does object, it's just the two of us.

Tim MinchinPersonBritish-Australian comedian and actor
98%3 mentions
Groundhog DayMovie1993 film
93%3 mentions
Heidi Grant- HalvorsonPersonAuthor
88%2 mentions
John DemartiniPersonAuthor
83%1 mention
LinkedInSoftware ApplicationSocial networking service
78%2 mentions
Adam GrantPersonAmerican author and professor
73%2 mentions
United StatesCountryCountry in North America
68%1 mention
GodEntitySupreme being
63%2 mentions
BrooklynAdministrative AreaCounty in New York State
57%2 mentions
Susan SlyPersonEntrepreneur
53%1 mention
MeditationsBookBook by Marcus Aurelius
48%1 mention
ChristmasEntityCelebration
43%1 mention
Marcus AureliusPersonFormer Roman emperor
38%2 mentions
AustraliaCountryCountry in Oceania
33%2 mentions
iPadProduct ModelProduct line
28%1 mention
Olympic GamesEntity
23%1 mention
Joe RoganPersonAmerican podcaster and sports commentator
18%2 mentions
AdidasCompanyApparel company
13%1 mention
Mother TeresaPersonSaint
8%1 mention
CaliforniaAdministrative AreaUS state
3%1 mention

MotivationPsychology
Personal DevelopmentEducation > Coaching > Life Coaching
Mental HealthHealth
Society
Self-Determination TheoryPsychology > Motivation > Intrinsic Motivation > Behavioral Psychology
RelationshipsSociety
ValuesPersonal Development > Motivation > Behavior Change > Goal Setting
CommunicationSociety > Relationships > Interpersonal Dynamics > Expectations
Goal AchievementEducation > Coaching > Life Coaching > Personal Development
Personal GrowthHealth > Mental Health > Wellness
Behavior ChangePersonal Development > Motivation
CoachingEducation
MotivationPersonal Development
ExpectationsSociety > Relationships > Interpersonal Dynamics
Goal SettingPersonal Development > Motivation > Behavior Change
Intrinsic MotivationPsychology > Motivation
Behavioral PsychologyPsychology > Motivation > Intrinsic Motivation
Self-ImprovementHealth > Mental Health > Wellness > Personal Growth
Personal Development
Interpersonal DynamicsSociety > Relationships
Life CoachingEducation > Coaching
Health
Education
Psychology
WellnessHealth > Mental Health

Moving Away From Fear or Toward Desire0:38 – 6:26

C

Craig HarperHost

0:38

Uh, I've got a question for you.

C

Craig HarperHost

0:40

Talking about setting goals, motivation.

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

0:42

Mm-hmm.

C

Craig HarperHost

0:42

Talking about achieving stuff, what do you think is more powerful as a driver of behavior or a, a kicker in the bum of action taking? Do you think moving away from something you don't want or moving towards something you do want, as they can both be...

C

Craig HarperHost

1:02

You know, like I realized when I was young, I didn't want a traditional job, as in I didn't wanna clock in every day and have a boss and go to the same place every day and do the same or a version of the same job.

C

Craig HarperHost

1:13

It's not good or bad.

C

Craig HarperHost

1:15

Generally speaking, just wasn't good for me.

C

Craig HarperHost

1:17

So one of my key drivers was I don't wanna do this and I don't wanna be in this kind of environment.

C

Craig HarperHost

1:23

So originally, it was almost like a negative motivator.

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

1:27

Mm.

C

Craig HarperHost

1:28

What about you? Do you think, well, for yourself, one or the other or both?

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

1:34

Okay, I'll answer this two ways, for myself and then for human beings in general.

C

Craig HarperHost

1:39

Okay.

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

1:39

For me, it was-

C

Craig HarperHost

1:40

Just for humanity?

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

1:42

Yeah.

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

1:42

Well, I mean-

C

Craig HarperHost

1:43

If I can speak on behalf of humanity.

C

Craig HarperHost

1:45

Yeah.

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

1:45

No, just based on everything I've ever read and, and, you know, all the research that I've come across, I have an idea about what the-

C

Craig HarperHost

1:54

Yeah

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

1:54

... and, and the, the answer is it's complicated.

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

1:57

Um, and of course it's just me and you, so I can speak on behalf of humanity because humanity's not gonna object.

C

Craig HarperHost

2:03

Yes.

B

Bobby CappuccioGuest

2:03

And if humanity does object, it's just the two of us.

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