Heidi Grant- Halvorson

All I know is the places you are at, the people you are around, and the information you allow into your inner life profoundly shapes the way you see the world.

And positive psychologists like Heidi Grant Halvorson will tell you that your story about life, the world, and who you can be in it shapes your behavior.

You will always act consistently with your self-perception and your personal identity.

So if your story is one that, "Well, I can't be BIW, best in the world, I can't be a multi-billionaire, I can't dominate my domain and play at mastery, I can't live the lifestyle of my dreams, I can't materialize my talents, I can't change the world," if that is actually your self-identity and the story that you're running, then you're not going to take the steps, install the habits, build the systems, and live the days that will, over time, make the story real.

Sometimes it's the opposite.

Heidi Grant Halvorson is a goal-setting researcher.

Like, what helps people succeed in goal setting, and one of the things that helps people succeed in goal setting, you know the whole SMART thing, specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, time-bound, and you know, we beat that into people's heads.

Sometimes take that S and throw it away, right? Explore.

And so it just really blew open for me the way I thought about gender and particularly gender research and and how it applies to our everyday lives.

The second I'll say is a professor named Heidi Grant, who studies lots of different things.

She's written a lot of articles for HBR, but we interviewed her on an episode about how to ask for help and her advice about ways to make the request doable for the other person, ways to nudge them into helping you, but then also to hedge the request in a way that allowed them to say no.

I mean, I'm sure you feel this way.

I was like, what is the word? Collecting no's.

So basically asking for things.

I was using Heidi Grant's advice, but asking for things to the point where you can collect at least 10 no's.

And almost no one who tried the exercise got 10 no's, which is, I think, in a way, the point of the exercise is you realize you get more yeses than you'd expect.

When someone shares wisdom, they feel more appreciated and more competent.

Human beings are basically wired to want to give help, social psychologist Heidi Grant explains.

[clears throat] It's one of the richest sources of self-esteem.

The fact that we need each other is not a weakness, it's a gift, and once we understand that, asking for help begins to look less like an admission of failure and more like an act of trust.