What To Do With A Cheater? – Milica Jelenic

What is cheating? Really good to define it.

And I'm curious because I do know that there are lots of people who are in different scenarios who would not even consider that having maybe intercourse would be cheating.

And then lots of other people would say having intercourse with somebody else would be cheating.

So the circumstances can be different for everybody because For one, let's take this scenario.

You're in a relationship with somebody, but maybe they don't have the capacity to have sex anymore.

Maybe they can no longer have erections.

Maybe they can no longer have penetration of any kind due to health reasons or something.

So there's an agreement between the partners that the person who is able-bodied can go out and have and explore with new partners.

That could be an agreement that's just part of the relationship, right? So it's not considered cheating.

But other people would still consider that cheating, right? So no matter what the circumstance, no matter what the capacity of the person you're with is physically or whether they're capable of even performing sex, there might be this thing where no matter what the circumstances, that is cheating.

So again, it's personal, right? What do you feel? So just in your own thoughts, like when I bring that up, When I say, like, if you're in a partnership and, you know, say, for example, maybe you're the person who's been unable to have sex, maybe there's something physically happened and you can just no longer perform and you're not interested in sex whatsoever.

Maybe something occurred where you have zero libido.

Would you, in that circumstance, be okay with your partner going out and having playtime with somebody else? So that's just something for you to think about for yourself.

Or would that, for you, would you feel that's still cheating? So even if your partner hasn't had any kind of, I don't know, things going on physically where they can't function, what if the circumstances were that maybe your partner a dude who's a couple and you just get really turned on by your partner having sex with somebody else, either knowing that it's happened or observing that it's happened, but the thought of that actually turns you on, then that's not cheating, right? So it's very different circumstances depending on your response to it.

So when we talk about what to do with a cheater, I don't think that the overall way to define this is, I don't think that there's like a blanket way to define this or that there's a blanket way to deal with it.

Even though, you know, you could look up books that will tell you, you know, if you've been with a cheater, then never go back.

Well, first of all, you have to see how did you personally feel about it? Because if you personally were not offended by it, but the rest of society is, well, go with what you feel, because the rest of society isn't in the relationship with you.

So if you feel that somebody, say, for example, flirting is just the worst thing in the world and you can't handle it, well, first of all, that's where conversation comes in.

Communication, one of our top Cs on this, Communication is super important.

So you need to communicate and say, you know, I feel really sad when you flirt with somebody else.

And then that can open a conversation.

So then I would want to know, why does that, you know, what comes up for you if I'm flirting with somebody else? What comes up for you that has you feel sad? Well, it's because I feel left out and I feel like you love them more.

Okay, good to know.

So what would you like for me to help you feel more loved, more seen, and whatever.

And it could be that what they're feeling is that you're flirting with people, but not them.