Why We Argue
Oct 6, 2026 · 47 min · 13 segments
Why do couples argue about the smallest things when the argument is rarely about the thing itself? In this episode of *The Modern Taoist*, Kit Mann explores the Taoist view of relationships…
Oct 6, 2026 · 47 min · 13 segments
Why do couples argue about the smallest things when the argument is rarely about the thing itself? In this episode of *The Modern Taoist*, Kit Mann explores the Taoist view of relationships…
Kit MannHost
Today is a topic that is incredibly sensitive for a lot of people because the same reason this happens is the same reason people get sensitive when they have to talk about it.
This is one of those things where I always, whenever I have this conversation in public with someone, or not in public, but one-on-one with someone, I always say this is the kind of thing that, that, If I tell you you're being defensive or if I show you that you're being defensive and that in turn makes you defensive, then we know that you're not back to the root.
Okay, so this is kind of one of those topics because we're going to talk about why we argue.
We're going to focus on our partner, our spouse, our significant other, whatever you want to call it.
Like with everything that we talk about in Taoism, there are exceptions that prove the rule.
But today, I want to focus on why we argue with our partner, spouse, significant other, etc.
Because I firmly believe that when we talk about this, we have to bring it down to a visualization.
Two people love each other very much, standing in a kitchen at 9 o'clock at night, arguing about whether someone paid a bill.
But 99% of the time, the argument is not about And most people know this on some level, and yet they keep arguing about the bill anyway.
So I'm going to tell you something personal, and this is not meant to put it in a context where I feel like I'm superior or anything.
But I'm going to tell you something personal, and my wife already knows this because she lives it.
Today is a topic that is incredibly sensitive for a lot of people because the same reason this happens is the same reason people get sensitive when they have to talk about it.
This is one of those things where I always, whenever I have this conversation in public with someone, or not in public, but one-on-one with someone, I always say this is the kind of thing that, that, If I tell you you're being defensive or if I show you that you're being defensive and that in turn makes you defensive, then we know that you're not back to the root.
Okay, so this is kind of one of those topics because we're going to talk about why we argue.
We're going to focus on our partner, our spouse, our significant other, whatever you want to call it.
Like with everything that we talk about in Taoism, there are exceptions that prove the rule.
But today, I want to focus on why we argue with our partner, spouse, significant other, etc.
Because I firmly believe that when we talk about this, we have to bring it down to a visualization.
Two people love each other very much, standing in a kitchen at 9 o'clock at night, arguing about whether someone paid a bill.
But 99% of the time, the argument is not about And most people know this on some level, and yet they keep arguing about the bill anyway.
So I'm going to tell you something personal, and this is not meant to put it in a context where I feel like I'm superior or anything.
But I'm going to tell you something personal, and my wife already knows this because she lives it.
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