Why You Feel So Lost in Your 40s (It’s Not Just Anxiety) | The Forties Formula

In this episode of The Forties Formula, Jasmin Dhillon and Amanda Lim talk grief, mental health and the losses women in their 40s carry but rarely name, with therapist Sapna Makwana Hanspal. For women in their 40s, grief isn't only about losing someone. It can come from a changing identity, a changing body, fertility ending, a dream that didn't happen, a relationship changing, or realising you've outgrown a version of yourself. This conversation looks at why we don't always recognise these experiences as grief, why some forms carry shame, and how cultural expectations can make certain losses harder to acknowledge. They discuss grief connected to ageing parents, divorce, motherhood and the lives our parents may never have had the chance to live. Sapna also shares her own experience as a third culture kid, and how identity, loss and belonging eventually led her from a 20-year career in finance into psychotherapy. The conversation covers how grief can show up as anxiety, burnout, anger and exhaustion, how patterns can be carried across generations, and why grief doesn't need to be got over. It needs to be integrated into our lives. Chapters 00:00 The grief we don't realise we're carrying 02:02 Are women in their 40s grieving? 03:20 Disenfranchised grief 04:05 Grieving a changing identity 06:25 Grieving the end of fertility 07:02 Gender disappointment and the loss of a dream 10:12 Grief connected to our parents 11:07 The sandwich generation and ageing parents 14:27 Divorce and hidden grief 17:29 Anxiety, burnout, rage and exhaustion 20:30 How to support someone who is grieving 23:56 The five stages of grief 25:57 Integrating grief into your life 28:04 Growing up as a third culture kid 30:15 From finance to psychotherapy 32:32 Can grief be passed between generations? 34:31 Grieving the life our parents didn't get to live 37:02 The grief of a life never lived 38:42 Reconnecting with a lost part of yourself 40:50 Practical ways to work through grief 42:17 When your body knows before your mind 45:02 Can movement and self-care help? 47:51 Everyone has their own timeline 50:23 Focusing on what you can control 51:40 Hot or Hype: 55:36 — Sapna's 40s Formula About your hosts Jasmin Dhillon is an Integrated Health Strategist and Health Coach helping women in their 40s navigate gut health, hormones and nutrition. https://www.instagram.com/eat.with.jasmin/ Amanda Lim is a Metabolic Health Coach focused on helping women build strength, confidence and long-term health. https://www.instagram.com/coachamanda/ Support the podcast If you enjoy these conversations, subscribe and share this episode with someone navigating a major life transition or learning to let go of a version of themselves. You can also support the show by Buying Us a Coffee: https://the-forties-formula-with-amanda-jasmin.kit.com/products/buy-us-a-coffee Thank you to our sponsors For Youth Support your skin, recovery, sleep and longevity with The Forties Formula System. Use code TF35 for up to 35% off storewide. https://www.foryouth.co/go/the-forties-formula-system Love Indus Use code TFF for 21% off. https://loveindus.com