The Real Reason Your Relationships Keep Breaking Down and How to Finally Fix It

Your reaction is never about what just happened. When something small sets you off — a look, a tone, a moment that should not matter — it is rarely about the moment itself. In your 40s, life becomes an explosive combination of change: your body, your relationships, your sense of self, all shifting at once. Conflict is quietly building — with yourself, with the people closest to you, with who you used to be. This week, Avni Martin — ICF Master Certified Coach, founder of The Martin Institute and author of Happy Ever After — joins Jasmin and Amanda to explain where conflict actually comes from, why it gets louder in midlife, and what it is trying to tell you. We cover the three parts behind every conflict, why your perception is not the truth, what your childhood needs have to do with your biggest relationship triggers, and how to train the emotional muscle that changes everything. Avni also shares a deeply personal story about conflict with her teenage daughter — and how what looked like a battle turned out to be grief. 00:00 The quieter battle of your 40s 02:15 Why midlife creates internal conflict 03:22 Is conflict different for our generation 05:30 The three things behind every conflict 07:17 Why relational intelligence matters 08:45 Learning to think about how we think 09:08 When two people talk but nobody listens 10:08 Why thinking long-term changes your reactions 11:47 Training your conflict muscle 12:25 Conflict is the messenger 15:12 Your perception is not the truth 16:03 How beliefs shape everything you see 17:23 The role of empathy in conflict 17:39 Why small things trigger big reactions 20:40 The subconscious volcano 21:16 The childhood needs behind your triggers 23:11 We are meaning-making machines 24:03 Upgrading your inner programming 27:08 How inner work changes conflict 27:41 Avni's journey from zero self-worth to here 31:50 The HAPPY Coaching System 34:48 When habits live in the subconscious 40:06 The HAPPY System and conflict explained 41:14 Why pausing before action changes everything 44:27 Conflict with a teenage daughter 46:05 The grief underneath the conflict 47:38 From holding on to letting go Avni Martin is an ICF Master Certified Coach, founder of The Martin Institute and creator of the HAPPY Coaching System. Get her book: https://amzn.asia/d/0d8zVnO6 Find her on IG: https://www.instagram.com/avni.martin/ Jasmin Dhillon is an Integrated Health Strategist helping women in their 40s navigate hormones, gut health and nutrition. https://www.instagram.com/eat.with.jasmin/ Amanda Lim is a Metabolic Health Coach helping women build strength and long-term health. https://www.instagram.com/coachamandalim/ For Youth — up to 35% off the Forties Formula bundle plus a free bottle of Unwind: https://www.foryouth.co/go/the-forties-formula-system Cosy Earth — up to 31% off with code TFF Love Indus — 21% off with code TFF: https://loveindus.com Support the show: https://the-forties-formula-with-amanda-jasmin.kit.com/products/buy-us-a-coffee