Aug 17, 2026 · 47 min · 12 segments
Perfectionism at work gets rewarded, promoted, and mistaken for high standards. The overworking, the people pleasing, the sense that nothing is ever quite good enough, none of it starts with the job…
Susan WinchesterGuest
Lisa UrbanskiHost
Let's start with the title because I think so many people say this, that they work best under pressure.
When's the last time you really felt calm at work? My guess is that most people would say, yeah, that's been a while.
And so I think we actually lose track of how much we are focused on proving ourselves and aren't even thinking about, you know, perfection's really, it's fueled by a fear of failure rather than a desire for success.
And as we talked about in the last session, the research shows that nearly two-thirds of us grew up in challenging childhoods.
And as a result of that, we often learned that in order to be accepted, in order to be lovable, in order to feel worthy, that we feel like we have to constantly be in performance mode.
And unfortunately, when we're unconscious about this, we're really not aware of how much this is affecting our experiences at work.
There's obviously being somebody who's driving for perfectionism and working incredibly hard overworking are going to have great results.
But I don't think we often take time to really understand what some of the costs are related to that.
So why then can stress and urgency almost become familiar or necessary for people to get things done? I mean, I've experienced that before, too, where I just don't have the motivation to do something.
But then when it's like crunch time, 24 hours till the deadline, I'm busting my butt and I get all of this motivation all of a sudden.
You know, again, if you think about how many of us dealt with challenging situations when we were little, our nervous system is wired to protect us.
And I think that the phenomenon that you're describing is, you know, sort of kicks in at the last minute when you realize you have a major deliverable the next day.
You know, our nervous system doesn't realize we're no longer being chased by tigers.
You know, we're being chased by beliefs about ourselves in the workplace that can feel like we're being chased by tigers.
And so, you know, it's interesting you talked about procrastinating until the night before.
Procrastination is another, I think it's another component of fight, flight, freeze, and please, in that it's literally our system shutting down, like not wanting to sit down and do the work that needs to be done.
It's like our system is taking us offline because it can gauge that we're feeling stress levels.
Let's start with the title because I think so many people say this, that they work best under pressure.
When's the last time you really felt calm at work? My guess is that most people would say, yeah, that's been a while.
And so I think we actually lose track of how much we are focused on proving ourselves and aren't even thinking about, you know, perfection's really, it's fueled by a fear of failure rather than a desire for success.
And as we talked about in the last session, the research shows that nearly two-thirds of us grew up in challenging childhoods.
And as a result of that, we often learned that in order to be accepted, in order to be lovable, in order to feel worthy, that we feel like we have to constantly be in performance mode.
And unfortunately, when we're unconscious about this, we're really not aware of how much this is affecting our experiences at work.
There's obviously being somebody who's driving for perfectionism and working incredibly hard overworking are going to have great results.
But I don't think we often take time to really understand what some of the costs are related to that.
So why then can stress and urgency almost become familiar or necessary for people to get things done? I mean, I've experienced that before, too, where I just don't have the motivation to do something.
But then when it's like crunch time, 24 hours till the deadline, I'm busting my butt and I get all of this motivation all of a sudden.
You know, again, if you think about how many of us dealt with challenging situations when we were little, our nervous system is wired to protect us.
And I think that the phenomenon that you're describing is, you know, sort of kicks in at the last minute when you realize you have a major deliverable the next day.
You know, our nervous system doesn't realize we're no longer being chased by tigers.
You know, we're being chased by beliefs about ourselves in the workplace that can feel like we're being chased by tigers.
And so, you know, it's interesting you talked about procrastinating until the night before.
Procrastination is another, I think it's another component of fight, flight, freeze, and please, in that it's literally our system shutting down, like not wanting to sit down and do the work that needs to be done.
It's like our system is taking us offline because it can gauge that we're feeling stress levels.
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