Stop Setting Yourself on Fire To Keep Everyone Else Warm Part 1

So, but most people will run in the middle somewhere.

And does that mean they're going back and forth between being, well, the people I work with, being incredibly hopeful that it will get better, and so they're hanging out in the fantasy or the hope that there's going to be more intimacy there.

Then I work with others who've just said, you know, well, that's just never going to happen, and this is what we have, and I'll just live in what we have.

And then, of course, other people say, I'm not going to be able to tolerate this, and I'm done.

So is that kind of the three areas that you're talking about?

a little different than that because i'm talking about knowing that the love that i have comes from me the love i experience comes from me so people can do whatever they're going whatever behavior they're going to engage in and so if my power is not hooked up into someone outside of me because i'm not giving it away per se then i know it comes from me and i and they can behave in any way they want, and I can still be happy because my experience comes from me.

Now, I know it's very, a lot easier said than done with what I'm saying.

But I got to this place because I was a people pleaser and put up with a lot of emotional nonsense for a very long time, set myself on fire to keep everybody else warm.

And then when I got divorced and my children went away and I went, Oh my God, I set myself on fire.

I gave away all my power and did everything for everybody else.

And everybody has gone and went into, I will call it divorce hangover.

then so that was actually the best thing so this is really the point that i want to make to all the listeners out there that are really in relationships that they are struggling in this is a gift because this thing is so awful that it is forcing you to stop self-abandoning

pain is motivation

yes because there's a self of inside of you that is just waiting for you to turn and pay attention inside of you and stop giving away all of your power and your emotion.

But you had to have awareness.

And did the awareness come out of the experiences that you had that you had to leave or did it come after?

It came in stages, but yeah.

So when you get to that point of like, oh my God, and being angry is actually probably a good thing because that's like stage one of all of this to say, you know, I can't believe this, you know, these characters did this to me.

How long am I going to willing to put up with this? And yes, you deserve better.

You may not have gotten

better,

but you deserve better.

That was my first realization, whether it was from my parents, from my ex-husband, whatever it was.

And you know what? I deserve better and I'm going to make sure that that happens because that is my responsibility.

That was like, so that was the first thing.