390. “But It Felt So Real”: Why Red Flags Don’t Look Like Red Flags

Today I’m not doing the standard “look for red flags” thing. Ugh, I hate that phrase. It puts the whole burden on you to spot something that, by its nature, doesn’t look like a flag at all. (And then when you don’t see it, somehow that’s your fault? Nope. Stop. We’re not doing that here.) The reason red flags feel like green flags is that high-intensity behaviors mimic the *outputs* of real love, things like attention, certainty, and devotion, without including any of the *inputs*, things like time, consistency, and being actually known. So today I’m walking you through eight specific behaviors that consistently get mistaken for green flags, plus one tool, the Pace Test, that does the work of all of them at once. You’re going to leave with a real radar for this. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\__ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/red-flags-look-like-green-flags Free Download: Is This a Green Flag or Just a Fast Flag?: *A Quick Self-Check for Early Dating*. Use this tool the next time you’re in early dating, or to look back honestly at a past relationship and see what you might have been picking up on: https://abbymedcalf.com/green-flag-fast-flag Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get... ✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes ✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations ✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\__  👉 Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week!  https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/   👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book  \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\__ Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/resources Say hello on social: Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd  YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy