Julie Gottman
American clinical psychologistWikipedia
33
MENTIONS
17
EPISODES
16
PODCASTS
Search complete. 33 mentions across 17 episodes found for "Julie Gottman".
Sep 22, 2026
Charles DuhiggHOST
What makes their story worth listening to, though, is that one of them has started to wonder whether the marriage is gonna survive.
Charles DuhiggHOST
And so we introduce them to our guests, John and Julie Gottman, who have spent decades in a research lab watching couples argue and who are married to each other, a fact that they're still very honest about in this episode and all the challenges of it.
Charles DuhiggHOST
But you'll hear them lay out a set of rules, like don't criticize your partner, walk away when you're flooded, don't play therapist, say what you need instead of what the other person is failing to give you.
Charles DuhiggHOST
And I wanted to add two things that didn't make it into the episode but that I think are valuable.
11 MINS LATER
Charles DuhiggHOST
But how exactly do you do that, eh, especially in the middle of a big blowup? When we come back, John and Julie will tell us how to have better fights and more productive arguments.
Charles DuhiggHOST
Stick around.
Charles DuhiggHOST
We're back with our experts John and Julie Gottman, and our listeners Lauren and Carlos, who have found themselves fighting more than ever lately, which actually isn't all that unusual considering that they have a two-year-old at home.
Julie GottmanGUEST
We saw in our research that about 70% of all couples after the first baby is born go through a huge drop in their marital satisfaction.
Stephanie McAlisterGUEST
Yes.
Pesa ShayoHOST
And because you are a Gottman-trained therapist, is there a way you can explain to us Gottman's four horsemen, especially relating to couples from different cultures, the four horsemen that Gottman says that we need to avoid?
Stephanie McAlisterGUEST
Yes, absolutely.
Stephanie McAlisterGUEST
I think that from a cultural perspective, that can be different.
Stephanie McAlisterGUEST
But going through kind of the four horsemen that are identified by John and Julie Gottman, criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
Stephanie McAlisterGUEST
And so criticism, it's obvious you never the nevers and always, I like to say, is a good indication that criticism is not going well, right? You never do.
Stephanie McAlisterGUEST
or you're always the one doing this.
Stephanie McAlisterGUEST
It's very important to give a time and who's coming back.
ChrisHOST
And I will also say this, I'm gonna throw this out there.
ChrisHOST
You all have heard me in prior episodes talk about John and Julie Gottman and the Gottman Institute.
ChrisHOST
One of the things that John Gottman says that he does when Julie, his wife, says, "We need to talk," is he intentionally grabs a notepad and paper and says, "Okay, lay it on me." And he's open, he's got open body language, but he's got a notepad.
ChrisHOST
And so it's also like he uses that time to make sure that he is showing, "I care about this.
Peter KerrHOST
Let me illustrate that with a story from recently.
Peter KerrHOST
I was listening to another book recently, a different book by John and Julie Gottman.
Peter KerrHOST
Have you heard of these guys? They're like the relationship gurus, like they're awesome.
Peter KerrHOST
Anyway, whether you're 25, 45, 85, whatever, there's always things to learn.
PeteHOST
Let me illustrate that.
PeteHOST
I was listening to a different book recently, and it's by John and Julie Gottman.
PeteHOST
I don't know if you've heard of those guys.
PeteHOST
They're like the relationship gurus.
Justin GarciaGUEST
But then there are the people, okay, here are the people who I think do the really great things.
Justin GarciaGUEST
And my friends John and Julie Gottman talk a lot about these couples.
Justin GarciaGUEST
They're great couples therapists and scientists and public intellectuals.
Justin GarciaGUEST
And there are the people who take their desire for intimacy and then they take their desire for novelty and they pull it into their primary relationship.
Scott GallowayHOST
And v- strong opinion, but it happened to be right.
Scott GallowayHOST
Um, the, the best work on that is by John and Julie Gottman and the Gottman Institute out of Seattle.
Scott GallowayHOST
Um, and they said, you know, w- we don't need to argue theo- theoret- theoretical ideas or psychological, psychological models about this.
Scott GallowayHOST
We just need to observe what works and what doesn't.
Alex TrippierGUEST
Because my relationship with my kids was great, but my relationship with my wife, certainly on child two and three, took a massive dip and we were arguing a lot.
Alex TrippierGUEST
And I wanted to go to couples therapy and she said she wanted to do these Gottman exercises.
Alex TrippierGUEST
And you guys know John and Julie Gottman.
Alex TrippierGUEST
We did these really powerful exercises, which were.
Alex TrippierGUEST
Quite similar to some of the values work in your book, Rachel.
Alex TrippierGUEST
And we were able to talk about a period of our lives, which we couldn't talk about without getting into huge arguments.
Alex TrippierGUEST
And all of a sudden, there was some understanding.
Alex TrippierGUEST
And it was like, we need to do the Gottman exercise on a massive societal scale.
CourtneyHOST
really happening is marriage counseling.
CourtneyHOST
We're basically talking to John and Julie Gottman right now and going through our therapy sessions.
CourtneyHOST
That's a
MarioHOST
little bit of a stretch.
7 more episodes mention Julie Gottman.
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