The Science Behind Why He Won’t Change | Dr. Justin Nussbaum | S4E11

Yeah, I love that.

I totally agree.

And for those listening, I'll tell you what connected us is a book called The Nature and Nurture of Narcissism by Dr. Peter Salerno.

Phenomenal book for those that haven't read it.

But there's this myth that narcissism is from trauma, and so if we can fix the trauma, we can fix the person.

We can make them stop being abusive.

I think most people know that there's no cure for narcissistic personality disorder, but there are still a lot of therapists, psychologists who believe that treatment can make them exponentially better or somewhat better.

It's, it's really varied.

So what you're touching on is so interesting because I think this disconnect between what I see as sort of, you know, the science, the facts versus how people feel and what they want, and we wish that it could be healed with trauma.

I think ultimately something I say a lot, abuse is a choice.

It's not from a personality disorder, it's not from alcoholism, it's not from trauma.

It's, it is from choosing to be abusive, which is a bit oversimplified, but trauma matters to it, but I just-- I wanna talk more about what's scientifically supported versus I think what's become kind of a cultural narrative, and there's, there's a real bridge there.

The lived experience of so many women who are trapped in these dynamics are that they want their perpetrator to, to change because it's their partner, their husband, their spouse.

They want it to be from trauma.

I think therapists and psychologists also want it to be from trauma because then it's fixable.

Do you agree?