#26 - Liesl - What Makes You a Parent? An Honest and Emotional Story of Infertility, IVF and Egg Donation

**What Makes You a Parent? Liesl's Honest and Emotional Story of Infertility, IVF and Egg Donation** *This episode contains an open and deeply personal conversation about infertility, IVF, pregnancy loss and egg donation. Please be gentle with yourself as you listen. Resources to support you are listed below.* There are stories that stay with you long after the recording ends. Liesl's is one of them. Today, Liesl shares the story of twelve years of trying to become a mother. Twelve years of hope, heartbreak, appointments, protocols and rounds of IVF that didn't work. Of a grief that is hard to name because it is the grief of something that hasn't happened yet — but that you want with every single part of yourself. And then, eventually, a path forward that she and her husband hadn't been able to consider before. Not because it wasn't available to them. But because they weren't ready to hear it yet. Egg donation. This is a topic that is rarely spoken about openly. And when it is, it can land with an enormous weight — because it asks you to revisit everything you thought you knew about what it means to become a parent. Your identity. Your sense of self. The question of what you pass on, and how. It challenges you at your very core. What makes you a parent? Is it your DNA? Is it the body that carries a child — the heartbeat felt beneath your hand long before a single breath is taken? And what does science — what does epigenetics — tell us about the bond that forms between a mother and her baby, regardless of genetics? These are the questions Liesl sat with. And in this conversation, she answers them with a honesty and a courage that left me completely moved. Liesl and her husband eventually became parents in their mid forties — after one of the longest, most painful roads to parenthood I have ever heard described. Their family may look different to what they once imagined. But it is no less whole, no less full, and no less entirely theirs. She said something in this conversation that I have not been able to stop thinking about. That they may have heard about egg donation before — but they couldn't hear it until they were ready. Maybe today is someone's time to hear it. If you are somewhere in the middle of your own fertility journey — exhausted, uncertain, wondering if you will ever get there — this episode is for you. **In this episode we talk about:** - Twelve years of trying to conceive and what that journey looked like - Multiple rounds of IVF and the emotional toll of repeated loss and failure - The different protocols and approaches they tried along the way - The decision to explore egg donation — and why it took time to be ready for it - Going abroad for egg donation and what that process involved - What it means to carry a baby that doesn't share your DNA - Epigenetics and the science of the bond between mother and child - The identity shift that comes with egg donation — and making peace with it - Becoming parents in their mid forties after twelve years of trying - What makes you a parent — and what Liesl's answer to that question is today **Support and Resources** **Fertility Support** - **Fertility Network UK** — fertilitynetworkuk.org — the leading UK charity supporting anyone affected by fertility issues, with helplines, online communities and local support groups - **The IVF Network** — theivfnetwork.com — information, support and community for anyone going through IVF - **Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA)** — hfea.gov.uk — the UK's official regulator for fertility treatment, with clear and trustworthy information on all fertility treatments including egg donation - **Donor Conception Network** — dcnetwork.org — a hugely valuable community and resource for anyone considering or who has used donor conception, including egg donation **Egg Donation Abroad** - **HFEA — Fertility Treatment Abroad** — hfea.gov.uk/treatments/explore-all-treatments/going-abroad-for-fertility-treatment — official guidance on what to consider if you are thinking about having fertility treatment abroad - **Fertility Friends** — fertilityfriends.co.uk — one of the UK's largest online fertility communities, with dedicated boards for egg donation and treatment abroad **Emotional Support** - **Fertility Counselling** — the British Infertility Counselling Association (BICA) can help you find a specialist fertility counsellor: bica.net - **The Miscarriage Association** — miscarriageassociation.org.uk — support for anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss during their fertility journey - **Mind** — mind.org.uk — mental health support for anyone struggling with the emotional weight of fertility challenges **Epigenetics and Donor Conception** If Liesl's mention of epigenetics sparked your curiosity, there is a growing body of research exploring how a birth mother's body influences the development of a baby she carries — regardless of genetics. A simple search for "epigenetics and egg donation" will open up a fascinating and reassuring world of reading. *If this episode resonated with you — whether you are in the middle of your own fertility journey, or this conversation opened your eyes to a reality you hadn't considered before — please share it. There is someone out there who needs to hear Liesl's story today. Someone who might finally be ready to hear it.* *And as always, thank you for being part of this village. 💛* **💛 Raising with the Village** This podcast is about real parents sharing real stories — because no one should feel alone in parenthood.  New episodes every Thursday! 🌐 Website: https://raisingwith.co.uk/ 📸 Instagram: @raisingwiththevillage 🎧 Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, and all major platforms. If you’d like to share your own story — about birth, parenting, or family life — get in touch via the website or Instagram DMs.