Sep 12, 2026 · 41 min · 11 segments
Dr. Christopher Barker is a clinical psychologist and author whose work explores complex trauma, attachment, and one powerful idea: high functioning and psychological health are not always the same…
Christopher BarkerGuest
Lisa LacyHost
So there's been enormous cultural shift towards trauma informed language, speaking of that.
What are we getting right about trauma informed language, and where do you maybe see some more opportunities for improvement with trauma informed language?
It's a little slippery, because in the sense of, um, we're not learning a specific different language, we're more learning how to be there with somebody.
We're more learning how to sit with them, uh, how to hold space, as you pointed out, um, to just, like, really see their point of view and not to say something that's going to shut it down, not to say something that's going to do that.
Um, I have one person that I see who said, "Why is my brain doing this to me?" Well, it's not just your brain, it's also your whole nervous system.
Um, your whole nervous system gets involved, and people can feel things, sometimes a touch, sometimes a temperature, sometimes it can be just, like, something that is irritating them.
Your whole nervous system is involved, and it starts things firing, and it starts things flowing.
And sometimes to just have your experience interpreted for you shuts you down, and you experience this instead of an openness.
And I think, I think finding safe people to open up to is so vitally important, because if we, if we have been struggling and we haven't said anything, and we finally get the nerve to share with somebody in our inner circle, and we choose the person who is not proven to be inspiring and uplifting and supportive of us, it may shut us down permanently.
So, um, talk to us about making sure we're finding the right support network to, to lift us up.
If it makes you feel good, if it makes you feel validated, if you feel heard, then it's a good relationship.
And if you have a couple of conversations from someone and you're just not getting it, if you're not getting the sense that this person really understands you, that this person's not there for you, go find somebody else, because it's important to be able to have that conversation, to have that feeling, to have that trust.
So there's been enormous cultural shift towards trauma informed language, speaking of that.
What are we getting right about trauma informed language, and where do you maybe see some more opportunities for improvement with trauma informed language?
It's a little slippery, because in the sense of, um, we're not learning a specific different language, we're more learning how to be there with somebody.
We're more learning how to sit with them, uh, how to hold space, as you pointed out, um, to just, like, really see their point of view and not to say something that's going to shut it down, not to say something that's going to do that.
Um, I have one person that I see who said, "Why is my brain doing this to me?" Well, it's not just your brain, it's also your whole nervous system.
Um, your whole nervous system gets involved, and people can feel things, sometimes a touch, sometimes a temperature, sometimes it can be just, like, something that is irritating them.
Your whole nervous system is involved, and it starts things firing, and it starts things flowing.
And sometimes to just have your experience interpreted for you shuts you down, and you experience this instead of an openness.
And I think, I think finding safe people to open up to is so vitally important, because if we, if we have been struggling and we haven't said anything, and we finally get the nerve to share with somebody in our inner circle, and we choose the person who is not proven to be inspiring and uplifting and supportive of us, it may shut us down permanently.
So, um, talk to us about making sure we're finding the right support network to, to lift us up.
If it makes you feel good, if it makes you feel validated, if you feel heard, then it's a good relationship.
And if you have a couple of conversations from someone and you're just not getting it, if you're not getting the sense that this person really understands you, that this person's not there for you, go find somebody else, because it's important to be able to have that conversation, to have that feeling, to have that trust.
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