Why We Love the Way We Do 2 [ENCORE]

Well, Michael, welcome to today's show.

Thank you so much, Denise.

I'm really looking forward to today's discussion because Jacob's story is a very powerful one.

When you look closely at the story, you realize that this story is about emotional longing.

insecurity, favoritism, and the deep human desire to feel chosen by someone.

And I think that many of our listeners are going to see parts of their own relationship story as we go through this show today.

Well, Michael, let's get started.

So why don't you begin by saying a little more about why the story of Jacob and Rachel is so psychologically relevant for couples today?

Well, to begin with, this story is incredibly relevant because it shows us how our childhood wounds shapes our adult life.

In Genesis 29, verse 20, we read that Jacob worked seven years for Rachel, and that to him it seemed like just a few days because of his love for her.

Now, that sounds romantic.

and it is, but it's also very intense.

Jacob isn't just loving Rachel, he's striving for her.

In attachment language, we would say this could represent anxious attachment, when love becomes mixed with effort, performance, and fear of loss.

Now, before you turn off your radios, because it seems as if I am saying something that you have never heard before, something that might contradict the biblical statement that said he loved her, I just want to clarify here that two things can be true.

At the same time, you can love someone, but also love them in a way or in a place or in a way that's coming from a place that's unhealthy.

Harville Hendrick teaches that.

We are drawn to partners who reflect unfinished childhood business.

And that is from his book, Getting the Love You Want.

Jacob grew up in a divided home.

Genesis 25, 28 tells us that Isaac loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob.

Now, this kind of parental relationship Favoritism creates emotional insecurity in a person.

They may feel that because of that insecurity, they won't be the chosen one.

So they may love in an intense way because they're afraid of abandonment.

Have you ever been in love with someone and you feel that the way they're going about it is just a little bit too much? Now, someone listening to today's show may recognize this.