Sep 8, 2026 · 59 min · 12 segments
Alexis walked into her divorce carrying two decades of unhealed childhood trauma — the kind that teaches a person to survive rather than feel. As a Licensed Master Social Worker, she had the clinical…
And also I, so I wasn't, so I spent like the first two decades of my life really just surviving it.
Right.
So I had like a lot of, a lot of traumatic experiences that were just like happening.
Right.
Like something over here and then there was something over here and something over here.
So the only thing you could do is just keep going.
Right.
You just keep waking up and going about your day and you just kind of survive it and be like, okay, you know, what's next? What's next? Accomplish that.
What's next? And then in my 30s, 20s and 30s, I was really living in – like I was making decisions based on trauma, on unhealed trauma.
So I was living in a trauma response.
So I went from survival to living in this trauma response and basing a lot of my major decisions – um, to now like really feeling whole, like I've never felt this before.
You know, like I did such a great job of like not crying, all those things in the eighties and an eighties child that it was like ingrained in you, like, don't cry.
It's a sign of weakness, all that kind of stuff.
Um, and we didn't talk about anything, right? Like I went to school and nobody knew, nobody really knew what was going on in my home life because that wasn't how things were then.
Like it wasn't the culture.
You weren't open.
You didn't talk about stuff.
Um, and so until I started going to like friends' houses is when I really realized that, Hey, maybe something's a bit different.
Do you think it was possible looking back to have, to really come to a place where you feel comfortable moving forward in divorce without that therapeutic work you did ahead of time?
I think it would have taken me a whole lot longer.
Because
And I think I have to look at people and say, I can look at you and tell you you're not ready for this because you may think it's just sheets of paper in court, but there's a whole lot of emotional processing that you have to almost have the foundation for going into it.
And also I, so I wasn't, so I spent like the first two decades of my life really just surviving it.
Right.
So I had like a lot of, a lot of traumatic experiences that were just like happening.
Right.
Like something over here and then there was something over here and something over here.
So the only thing you could do is just keep going.
Right.
You just keep waking up and going about your day and you just kind of survive it and be like, okay, you know, what's next? What's next? Accomplish that.
What's next? And then in my 30s, 20s and 30s, I was really living in – like I was making decisions based on trauma, on unhealed trauma.
So I was living in a trauma response.
So I went from survival to living in this trauma response and basing a lot of my major decisions – um, to now like really feeling whole, like I've never felt this before.
You know, like I did such a great job of like not crying, all those things in the eighties and an eighties child that it was like ingrained in you, like, don't cry.
It's a sign of weakness, all that kind of stuff.
Um, and we didn't talk about anything, right? Like I went to school and nobody knew, nobody really knew what was going on in my home life because that wasn't how things were then.
Like it wasn't the culture.
You weren't open.
You didn't talk about stuff.
Um, and so until I started going to like friends' houses is when I really realized that, Hey, maybe something's a bit different.
Do you think it was possible looking back to have, to really come to a place where you feel comfortable moving forward in divorce without that therapeutic work you did ahead of time?
I think it would have taken me a whole lot longer.
Because
And I think I have to look at people and say, I can look at you and tell you you're not ready for this because you may think it's just sheets of paper in court, but there's a whole lot of emotional processing that you have to almost have the foundation for going into it.
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