Play Date with Kate Buckmeier

Why do you think it is so hard for women to give themselves time for themselves?

I think it's our culture.

I just think we've been conditioned to really be looking to the others, you know, looking to how you can serve, how you can Yeah, I just, like I said, I have a big caretaker part.

And when I was young, I was very creative.

And I'm very introverted.

But I think that I got a lot of praise and connection, praise and, yeah, I guess a way to, yeah, affirmation and a way to fit in by being, you know, really looking to what others needed.

My husband suggested I should start a blog when my kids started school.

elementary school.

And one of my first blog posts was about trying to figure out why I didn't have a favorites list and how hard it was for me to just say the things that I liked.

You know, it was like actually putting out something that was just about me.

It just felt wrong.

Like there was some threat there, which I'm slowly getting over.

You know, it just has taken a long time to peel back the layers of like, It's okay if you might be judged for that.

It's okay if somebody is disappointed if you don't show up for that.

I just feel like the conditioning around looking to others and what their needs are and then the affirmation you get from that is just really powerful and especially for women.

But I won't say that's just women.

My husband works on that too.

We work on it.

Actually, he's a really good partner for me because we both play heavy roles in in being dependable, responsible, always able to fix and solve.

And so we continue to have to remind each other how to think about what we need.

I was having a conversation with a girlfriend just a couple of days ago, and I told her that the word serve is a trigger for me.

And I

think it's because of what you've just said.

But I really believe that we are here to make other people's lives better, right? I think about every day, whether it's this podcast or it's even writing fluffy contemporary romance books, how can I help someone have a better day? And so I am being in service, but for some reason that word triggers so hard in me.

And I think it's exactly what you said there is culturally, yes, both men and women, but really women have been told that the way they move through the world is to serve other people.