Four-time World Champion With The Insight That Unlocked It All

So I wanna-

I, I know what it was like for me

...

I wanna ask, I wanna ask more details about that.

And, and we're gonna, there's, I've got a, I've got a, a ton of questions, but I wanna ask some specifics about that because I know there will be people listening to this podcast who are coaches who are coaching their kids' teams.

And you obviously, you know, m- phenomenal coach as well as player, uh, incredible legacy here.

Uh, what advice would you give to anyone listening who is like, "I'm coaching my kid's team, and all the other kids listen to me fine, but my kid doesn't wanna hear from me." Like when you say at the right time and in the right way, how do you know when the right time and in the right way, what that is?

I think e- everybody is different, um, in that space and, and boys are different to girls, you know.

Um, you...

I, I was coaching a junior boys' softball team, and then I was coaching my daughter's junior softball team, and I, I had to temper my approach with the girls, uh, because I couldn't quite be as forthright and, um, strong with my messaging.

I, I, I still needed to be confident, but I, I found that, and part of it was I think my persona as well, was that because I'd come in with this big reputation that under 12, under 13-year-old girls were scared of me from the start anyway, where the boys were kind of in awe, but they kinda loved it, you know, that having you along as a coach, so a little bit different.

But, uh, I didn't try and take it, um, and I'm still working on it with, with our daughter with her swimming.

It's, it's bite-sized chunks.

You know, I think little bits and, and little gains and, you know, I, uh, my daughter's going through a stage with her swimming where she's trying to jump up a level, and she's had some great success, and, and there's been a little bit of failure.

Uh, had a lot of success and then all of a sudden plateaued out and, and even though I've got a little bit of experience with mental skills and mental toughness and stuff, I'm still Dad.

Um, but you know, the one thing that I, I've managed to get across to her is, you know, that, that we, we can't win every time.

You know, when I played softball, I failed seven times out of 10, but I was still viewed as being great.

So, you know, how do we tran- transfer that to swimming? And I'm not a swimming coach, but on, uh, uh, you know, a parent on the sideline, you're always an expert.

Um, the thing that I, I, I've got across with her and have worked on is that we either win or we learn.

Okay? So they're the only two outcomes we have for her races.

And whilst it was a little bit hard in the beginning, um, it, it's an area where she's getting better at, and I'd like to think that I've helped her a bit because we, you know, got a little notebook and we ma- uh, you know, I say we, um, she's got a little notebook and you take notes at the end of a race on how you felt, how your prep was, just a couple of minutes, summarize it, and then close the book and put it away.

So, you know, I, uh, I made the mistake in the beginning of trying to give her too much, and all I was doing was confusing her.

I was just adding to her anxiety and confusion by, you know, doing the dad thing, trying to help, and going, "Sh- I've got a lot of experience in this space.

If we just do this, this, and this," and, and then not realizing that I was actually contributing to the problem.

So, um, knowing your place, you know, uh, love and support unconditionally, you know, treat them the same as, um, you treat the other kids, and often parents do get a bit harder on, on their own children.