Leaving Was Terrifying — But Staying Was Destroying Me

yeah But as human beings, we don't like change.

So we'd rather stay with something we know is awful.

And you mentioned that you cover up and tell people things were great.

Why do you think we do that? Why do we do it? Why don't we go? Actually, you know what? It's pretty crap right

now.

I am.

I'm fascinated by that, actually, because I'm a very open person.

And most people say maybe a little too open.

And so I walk into a room and tell personal details about whatever.

But I am.

But I was aware of not wanting to.

I think we protect.

I think that's a female thing more than a male thing, potentially.

I think we protect our partners.

We don't want people to think they're rubbish.

Also, what would that say about us if we partnered with a rubbish person or if we were being treated brilliantly? I think that's part of it.

But I was fascinated when I when I then told everyone we've split up, how many people of my friends and people actually didn't know that well and people I was very comfortable with.

came over and told me stuff about their relationships which they'd never had before and I thought I've known you for years or you'd be one of my best friends or you know we see each other every day or whatever it is and I had no idea that various not great things were happening to bunches of people so it's something we all do and that I thought was really interesting yeah

we're all doing survival isn't it it's like well I've got to make the most of it and also especially if you are in a toxic relationship like I was, we minimalise it so we don't really know how bad it is because if we admitted it to ourselves in that moment, we'd probably have to leave or make some big decisions we're not ready to make.

So we just kind of normalise it as in, well, this is just how it goes.

You know, this is how life is and, you know, nothing's perfect.

And I think that's what you realise when you get out.

And I think, I don't know about for you, but for me, one of the overwhelming emotions that I didn't expect...

I didn't choose to leave.

I was sort of catapulted out as my husband got somebody else, met somebody else, had an affair.