276. Queen Size

So here's the deal, right? I was just about to start this podcast, but I thought, let me change my plates.

And by my plates, I, of course, do mean my bed sheets.

I eat where I sleep, and I sleep where I eat.

Sue me, okay? I'm friends with the crumbs.

It's part of my own little ant hole of diabetic natures, and I'm fine with it, all right? So you should be too.

Point is, as I was doing that...

And start ruminating on the sizes of a mattress.

And I'm going, oh, the queen size, the king size, the fun size, the regular.

You see where I'm going with this.

I have a queen size mattress and it's perfect.

It's the golden standard.

I would say it was the Goldilocks of mattresses.

And in thinking about those sizes, I start correlating between only a fat man can think of a fat dauber candy size.

And I'm going fun size, mini, regular, king, epic.

where's the queen size candy bar and i just got pissed dude i got angry this shirt did not come out as wrinkled as it was all right i mean it did i i've had a whole beef with my dryer lately so i'm sort of just air drying things and it's coming out like it's just never been touched by a washer ever but

for the point of the story i just grabbed it a bit of rage

And I went, where's the queen size candy bar? All right.

We need a, this one's too small.

This one's too big.

This one is just right.

I need a perfect middle ground for my sugary temples.

Okay.

And it's honestly a problem.

Where's the queen bee of the candy section? Where's the Beyonce of candy bars? And that is what got me upset.

And I'm mad, all right? Because let's be honest, the queen mattress really is the perfect one.