Sep 19, 2026 · 49 min · 19 segments
Remembering the grocery list, coordinating with the babysitter, making food for the potluck, scheduling a get-together with the in-laws: These are some of the invisible tasks that (most) women…
Cheryl StrayedHost
Steve AlmondHost
Gemma HartleyGuest
Dear Sugars, I don't have a huge burning question, but I'd like to figure out how to get my husband to understand emotional labor without sounding like I'm just complaining.
He has come a long way, but I'd love advice about how to get him to be more empathetic and to understand that being in charge of providing the food, clothes, doctors, medicines, activities, and holidays, our two children, and our pets, takes a toll.
When I complain of being mentally exhausted because of how much I do, my husband's typical response is to tell me about all the work he does around the house.
I'm sad to say that we conform to gender roles when it comes to the division of labor, much to my chagrin.
I get up at the same time as my children, who are now 12 and 14, as I have done since they were born.
I help them with their breakfast and lunches, feed both of our dogs, and make sure they go to the bathroom before they're crated for the workday.
Meanwhile, my husband, who has, quote, trouble getting out of bed, likes that I wake him with a kiss as the three of us leave so he can get ready for work all by himself.
One recent morning, I'd had two grumpy kids and our sink, which is literally two feet from the dishwasher, was filled with the dishes from the food eaten by my family after I'd cleaned it up after dinner the night before.
No matter, I still went to kiss the hubby on the way out the door, but more perfunctory than usual and without much tenderness.
I've learned through your show that I'm no longer apologizing for my feelings and that I also need to take care of me.
But really, just once, I'd like for more understanding from my husband about how much effort it takes to manage a house and its inhabitants.
I'm not asking for much, just a thank you and some appreciation for my efforts, which are mostly invisible to those receiving them.
Dear Sugars, I don't have a huge burning question, but I'd like to figure out how to get my husband to understand emotional labor without sounding like I'm just complaining.
He has come a long way, but I'd love advice about how to get him to be more empathetic and to understand that being in charge of providing the food, clothes, doctors, medicines, activities, and holidays, our two children, and our pets, takes a toll.
When I complain of being mentally exhausted because of how much I do, my husband's typical response is to tell me about all the work he does around the house.
I'm sad to say that we conform to gender roles when it comes to the division of labor, much to my chagrin.
I get up at the same time as my children, who are now 12 and 14, as I have done since they were born.
I help them with their breakfast and lunches, feed both of our dogs, and make sure they go to the bathroom before they're crated for the workday.
Meanwhile, my husband, who has, quote, trouble getting out of bed, likes that I wake him with a kiss as the three of us leave so he can get ready for work all by himself.
One recent morning, I'd had two grumpy kids and our sink, which is literally two feet from the dishwasher, was filled with the dishes from the food eaten by my family after I'd cleaned it up after dinner the night before.
No matter, I still went to kiss the hubby on the way out the door, but more perfunctory than usual and without much tenderness.
I've learned through your show that I'm no longer apologizing for my feelings and that I also need to take care of me.
But really, just once, I'd like for more understanding from my husband about how much effort it takes to manage a house and its inhabitants.
I'm not asking for much, just a thank you and some appreciation for my efforts, which are mostly invisible to those receiving them.
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