292. Getting Back Into Dating? How to Start Without Losing Your Mind (Throwback)

[upbeat music] So let's just start off by acknowledging how scary dating can be when you've had a long break or you're returning to it after a long relationship.

The dating pool is different.

You're dating at a different age.

You've learned more.

Maybe you've been hurt.

The culture is different today than it was five, 10, 15 years ago.

And of course, the technology's different.

Dating apps are only about 10 years old at this point.

I get that it's overwhelming, and I wanna reassure you that, one, you're smart and you can figure out dating apps, and two, even though the technology and dating pool have changed, people are still people.

Some of the rules that existed when you were dating still apply today, like prioritizing your comfort, saying no to things that make you uncomfortable, and not chasing someone who doesn't like you back.

If their behavior is confusing, they're probably not a good match.

These are all relevant no matter how you're meeting people or what age you are.

This is one of the surprising things I've learned as a dating coach and talking to hundreds of people about their dating experiences.

The core principles and much of what I talk about on this podcast apply to dating at any age no matter how you meet people.

And yeah, if you're coming out of a long relationship or marriage and you expect the people you're dating to be more mature because you're older and you're dating people closer to your age, I need you to get rid of that expectation because age doesn't have much to do with emotional maturity and communication ability unfortunately.

I used to hear from folks in my DMs, and they would be describing a situation.

And I used to do this.

I don't anymore.

I used to ask, "How old are you, by the way?" And I would be shocked to hear that some of the behavior I expected from a high schooler or, like, someone in their early 20s would be coming from, like, people in their 50s.

I really wish the reality was different, but no matter your age and level of dating experience, you still need to watch out for people who don't know what they want, lie about they want, what they want, ghost you, or, and all that stuff that makes dating less fun.

I'll say it as often as I need to.

You can't control the dating pool.

You can only control who you give your time and energy to.

Let's talk about the number one question that comes up when we're talking about getting back into dating, and that is, how do you know when you're ready? So first I wanna talk about what it even means to be, quote-unquote, "ready to date." It can mean three different things if you ask me.

One, are you ready to go on a single date? Two, are you ready to date and explore pot-potential relationships? Or three, are you ready to be in a relationship? If you're new to dating or coming back to it after a long break, I recommend just focusing on the first one.