286. If They Wanted To, They Would? The Truth About Effort In Early Dating

Isn't it so frustrating when you feel like you're the one doing all the work? Here's how it played out for one of my one-on-one coaching clients.

She has a demanding job.

She also has a serious hobby on the side that takes up a lot of her time, and she appreciates people who make plans.

So she was frustrated that the guy she was dating for about a month stopped making plans ahead of time and stopped initiating time to hang out.

She at first chalked it up to him being a business owner, and she said that he told her he prefers spontaneity.

Okay.

Well, in our session, we talked about how to navigate this because at a certain point, for some of us, spontaneity can feel like we're abandoning ourselves, especially if we want the stability of having a plan, and we also have a need to plan around dates, right? We have to fit people in somewhere.

You have other things going on.

You have to figure out all the logistics.

That's normal.

And the other problem with spontaneity is that sometimes it makes us feel like we're not prioritized.

No one's thinking ahead.

Making last-minute plans, for my client at least, made her feel like she was an afterthought in this relationship.

Can you relate? Maybe you've been in or are currently in a situation where you feel like you initiate more of the texting or dates, or you're the one asking more questions or initiating deep conversations and overall doing more work in the relationship and it feels one-sided.

Like, they lack interest or they're not as intentional or as committed as you are.

So in this episode, I'm breaking down initiation in dating and relationships, what it is, why it's important, why people don't do it, and how to set and hold boundaries around this.

And we'll also get into the one question that will tell you exactly what to do next.

By the way, if you tend to overthink texting and you just don't know how to navigate certain situations in dating or you're new to it and you just need some guidance, I have a free texting guide that's full of templates for all different kinds of dating situations that you can use.

And of course, you can take my templates and make them your own.

So you can get that for free at datingintentionallypod.com/gift.

It's also in the show notes for you.

That's datingintentionallypod.com/gift.

And there are some other goodies in that link for you as well.

So here's why I really wanna talk about this.

Dating is more fun when you're decisive, when you don't linger on what to do and spin yourself into a mess of confusion because you've been mulling over all the different options of how to move forward before taking action.