Episode 33 – What Lies Beneath an Affair? Shame, Self-Betrayal and Infidelity with Alex Croxford | Dare to Speak Interview

**Episode 33 – What Lies Beneath an Affair? Shame, Self-Betrayal and Infidelity with Alex Croxford** *What lies beneath an affair? Why do women cheat, even when they love their partner and never intended to leave their marriage?* Infidelity can cause profound emotional pain. Understanding why an affair happened does not excuse the deception or diminish the experience of the betrayed partner. It allows us to examine the shame, emotional suppression, loss of self and relationship difficulties that may have existed long before the betrayal became visible. In this episode of Dare to Speak: Difficult Conversations That Change Everything, I speak with Alex Croxford, a relational coach who supports women living with the emotional aftermath of having had an affair. Alex shares her own experience of infidelity and the life surrounding it: a successful career in television, a marriage, a beautiful home and an outward appearance of confidence and control. Beneath that polished surface were years of unspoken needs, emotional suppression, disordered eating, fertility grief and a deepening disconnection from herself. At the heart of our conversation is Alex’s belief that betrayal is often preceded by self-betrayal. When someone repeatedly swallows their words, silences their needs and hides the parts of themselves that feel vulnerable, they can gradually lose touch with their emotions, identity and sense of psychological safety. That inner silence does not always remain silent. Sometimes it emerges sideways through behaviour that causes enormous harm. In this episode, we explore: - Why understanding infidelity is not the same as excusing it - What shame does to someone who has had an affair - Why some women cheat despite loving their partner - The connection between emotional suppression and damaging behaviour - Why an affair may create a temporary feeling of being seen, heard or alive - How self-betrayal can lead to a loss of self-trust - Why explanations can sound like excuses when someone does not yet understand their own behaviour - The danger of dividing people into simple categories of “good” and “bad” - How curiosity can open conversations that accusation immediately closes - What to examine if you have had an affair or feel vulnerable to one This is a compassionate and challenging conversation about what may lie beneath an affair: shame, grief, silence, emotional disconnection and the gradual loss of a person’s voice. We do not minimise the injury caused by infidelity. We ask whether condemnation alone helps anyone understand what happened, take meaningful responsibility or prevent the same patterns from returning. About Alex Croxford Alex Croxford provides relational coaching for women who have had an affair and want to understand what led them there, move through shame and rebuild trust in themselves. Find Alex at: https://www.alexcroxford.com/ Follow Alex on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamalexcroxford/ If this conversation stays with you, follow Dare to Speak, share the episode with someone who may need it and join the conversation. Content note: This episode contains a frank discussion of infidelity, betrayal, fertility difficulties, disordered eating and emotional distress. Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️ **Connect with Eve Stanway** If this episode has resonated with you, the conversation does not have to stop here. Website: www.evestanway.co.uk Email: [eve@evestanway.co.uk](mailto:eve@evestanway.co.uk) Instagram: @evestanway Facebook: Eve Stanway LinkedIn: Eve Stanway YouTube: @evestanway TikTok: @evestanway Substack: Eve Stanway If you are navigating separation and want to approach it with clarity rather than conflict, visit www.evestanway.co.uk *Dare to Speak: Difficult Conversations That Change Everything is hosted by Eve Stanway, Difficult Conversations Expert and creator of the Listen, Speak, Lead Framework.* *Eve is the author of Dare to Speak: Navigate Difficult Conversations with Confidence and Clarity, available at* www.evestanway.co.uk *Coming September 2026: Dare to Listen: The Hidden Years, Difficult Conversations with Young Adults in Your Life.*