Why did you decide to do that? And, you know, I'm sure you've got some dogs abuse online over making that decision.

oh my gosh, so much abuse, so much abuse.

But what happened was I was already, by this point, I had quit my career in TV.

I was a TV executive and I had retrained because the work that I was doing on myself, I'd realized I really wanted to bring this to other women too.

Not necessarily who'd had affairs at that point, but I just understood the power of the work that I was doing and how I was feeling inside and And so I retrained and I quit my TV career and I was coaching initially relationship work, but not focused on affairs.

And then it was just, I was building my following online and I could feel myself that I really wanted to grow bigger and bigger.

And I'd been talking about my divorce and talking about the issues that I'd had and talked about healing, but I was leaving out this massive part of the story that was the biggest part of the story, if I'm honest.

And after all the work you've done on yourself, Alex, When you look back at that now, did the problems come out of the situation you were in just after you got married? Or was there something more profound than that that predated getting married?

got some dogs abuse online or over making that decision

oh my gosh so much abuse so much abuse but what happened was i i was already by this point i had quit my career in um tv i was a tv executive and i had retrained because the work that i was doing on myself i'd realized i really wanted to bring this to other women too not necessarily who'd had affairs at that point but i just understood the power of the work that i was doing and how i was feeling inside and And so I retrained and I quit my TV career and I was coaching initially relationship work, but not focused on affairs.

And then it was just, I was building my following online and I could feel myself that I really wanted to grow bigger and bigger.

And I'd been talking about my divorce and talking about the issues that I'd had and talked about healing, but I was leaving out this massive part of the story that was the biggest part of the story, if I'm honest.

And I thought to myself, if I'm not honest about this now, this is going to come out later down the line and I am going to be seen as a fraud or I'm going to be seen as somebody that has not been truthful.

And it was almost like the shame of what I had done, if I've worked so hard to alleviate the guilt and the shame, but not sharing it felt like it was still proving the story that I was a really bad person, that I wasn't able to share this publicly.

So I had... confirmed with my husband that I was my ex-husband that I was going to do this and although he was very he was nervous and not a massive fan of it he also understood so so he you know he always said you're braver than me and I and so yeah so I shared I shared a reel on Instagram and you know video on Instagram and And it went viral.

And after all the work you've done on yourself, Alex, when you look back at that now, you know, did the problems come out of the situation you were in just after you got married or was it something more profound than that, that predated getting married?

Mm.

And I suddenly was-- felt like I was lost at sea.

I didn't know who I was.

How could I do this? I thought I was a good person.

I thought I was someone who had morals.

I loved him.

How could I hurt him? And I internalized this belief that I was a terrible person, and I, I deserved all of the pain that was coming to me.

Yeah

really yeah i couldn't

get through it and so you know the doctors said oh well because of your age you know we need to get you you know on the ivf waiting list and you're struggling and i went through all the tests and they told me that i had um polycystic ovaries and i mean that's a hard journey in itself right oh it was so hard well i think I didn't realize the grief of that experience because we're told so much that we've spent our whole lives avoiding getting pregnant as a woman.

And so suddenly you think it's going to be so easy when it's finally time.

And so as we started to go through the process and every month I was waiting for, you know, either being pregnant or for my period to come.

And because there would be such a delay in my period coming, it would it could be two, three weeks late.

I'd be, it would be driving me insane because obviously there's negative pregnancy tests.

I'm waiting, feeling just, I felt hopeless.

on make this go yeah make this go away yeah