stop giving everyone access to your heart

We learn how to move through life in ways that keeps us from getting hurt again.

Maybe we stop trusting people so easily or become more guarded.

We stop hoping for certain things altogether because disappointment feels safer than expectation.

We convince ourselves we're just being realistic and wise.

This is just what you do when you're mature.

But sometimes what we're calling wisdom is actually self-protection.

Looking back, I think that's exactly what happened to me.

I didn't realize it at the time, but so many of my choices were being made to avoid getting hurt again.

I thought life had simply taught me hard lessons, and I was learning to live accordingly.

I couldn't see that I had become so accustomed to the wound, I had started subconsciously organizing my life to protect it.

The wound wasn't just causing pain.

It was quietly stealing things from me.

It stole some of my hope.

I would believe in people, situations, or opportunities, confident that things would pan out the way I hope and trusted, just to be let down or disappointed.

And then I'd ask, "Okay, next time I just won't get my hopes up because this pain of disappointment isn't worth it anymore.

I can't feel this way again." It stole some of my trust.

Being vulnerable was something that came naturally to me, but now it felt dangerous.

I had been betrayed enough times that I decided not to keep feeling that pain anymore.

I started to guard my heart.

I became less accessible and more withdrawn.

I felt more cautious about how much access people had to my heart.

I couldn't trust anyone the way I did before.

It stole some of my softness.

I stopped letting people know too quickly how much I cared.

I started to keep people at enough distance to avoid anyone thinking I needed them too much.