Why Networking Feels so Awkward

Now, if you walked into your neighborhood coffee shop, let's say, and you started talking with someone in line, you probably wouldn't think twice about the conversation, right? You'd smile, exchange a few words, maybe laugh, maybe discover something interesting about one another.

No pressure, no agenda, no internal dialogue.

Now, take that exact same person, put them inside an industry event.

[laughs] Everything changes.

Nothing about them has changed.

The room changed, or perhaps their thinking changed.

Instead of asking, "I wonder who this person is?" their mind quietly begins asking, "I wonder what this person thinks of me." That's a completely different conversation.

One is driven by curiosity.

The other is driven by evaluation, and evaluation is exhausting.

I've been thinking about this quite a bit.

Actors often tell me, "I'm terrible at networking." Really? I'm not convinced.

Actors spend their lives studying people, listening, observing, imagining, connecting emotionally.

Those are exactly the skills that made someone enjoyable to talk with.

So why does networking feel so unnatural? See, I don't think it's because actors lack social skills.

I think it's because they care so deeply about their careers that every meeting begins feeling important.

And when every meeting feels important, every conversation begins carrying weight it was never meant to carry.

I would like to share something that took me years to understand.

Whenever I met someone I believed could influence my career, I wasn't actually meeting them.

I was meeting my expectations.

Okay, somebody write that down.

That was really good.

You see, looking back, I had quietly assigned them a role before we'd even shaken hands.

Maybe this is the casting director who changes everything.

Maybe this is the producer I've been hoping to meet.

Maybe this is the agent who finally notices me.