Aug 4, 2026 · 27 min · 11 segments
How many decisions do you make based on what you think other people will think? In this episode, I'm unpacking the quiet fear of judgment that shapes so many of our choices. Whether it's speaking up…
But I wanna talk today about a feeling, um, a particular feeling that I think really runs quietly under a lot of our decisions.
Sometimes we're very aware of it, sometimes I think we're not aware of it at all, but it is there, um, and it is driving decisions whether we have awareness of it or not.
Um, you know, it's am I gonna say this thing in the meeting? Uh, what am I gonna wear today? Um, am I gonna go to this event or not? Am I gonna speak up, um, you know, and ask this question in a conversation that I'm about to have? Is- am I gonna take this risk? And if we really trace back to the root of what is underneath our decision to do it or not do it, I think a lot of the time we find the same thing sitting underneath that, and that is that we are worried about what someone will think.
We're worried about what someone else will think of this thing we're about to do or decision we're about to make.
So today's episode I've called Performing for People Who Aren't Even Watching, because we're gonna talk about this emotion of judgment, the, the feeling of being judged.
Um, and then we're gonna get into the uncomfortable punchline, which is that most of the time the audience that we are performing for isn't even paying attention.
I don't like the thought of being evaluated, preparing to be evaluated, and I have to fight through that feeling or that fear a lot in order to do the things that I actually wanna do.
And the higher the stakes, you know, the kinda higher stakes moment that I'm in, the worse that this gets.
So I was talking to a colleague about this, and we were wondering if this correlates to Enneagram types.
I think it's really illustrative, and I, I suspect that there are a few Enneagram types that are even more susceptible to this particular emotion, kind of the anticipation of being evaluated or the fear of what is, or how we're going to be judged for our actions.
Um, and when I-- as I am recording this episode, I've just come out of a week of kind of high stakes days, a few high stakes days that were s- um, strung together, which again, part of this summer of adventure that I'm having.
But I had one in the morning and one in the early afternoon on the very same day.
And speaking days are always high stakes, right? You're gonna be in front of a room.
Um, and so, you know, it's easy to get in your head about is it gonna be good enough, all the way down to, like, what are you gonna wear, right? And then on the next day, I was gonna get on a plane and go to New York to see, um, kind of unexpectedly, my college housemates.
We're pretty sure it had been more than 20 years since we were all together.
But I wanna talk today about a feeling, um, a particular feeling that I think really runs quietly under a lot of our decisions.
Sometimes we're very aware of it, sometimes I think we're not aware of it at all, but it is there, um, and it is driving decisions whether we have awareness of it or not.
Um, you know, it's am I gonna say this thing in the meeting? Uh, what am I gonna wear today? Um, am I gonna go to this event or not? Am I gonna speak up, um, you know, and ask this question in a conversation that I'm about to have? Is- am I gonna take this risk? And if we really trace back to the root of what is underneath our decision to do it or not do it, I think a lot of the time we find the same thing sitting underneath that, and that is that we are worried about what someone will think.
We're worried about what someone else will think of this thing we're about to do or decision we're about to make.
So today's episode I've called Performing for People Who Aren't Even Watching, because we're gonna talk about this emotion of judgment, the, the feeling of being judged.
Um, and then we're gonna get into the uncomfortable punchline, which is that most of the time the audience that we are performing for isn't even paying attention.
I don't like the thought of being evaluated, preparing to be evaluated, and I have to fight through that feeling or that fear a lot in order to do the things that I actually wanna do.
And the higher the stakes, you know, the kinda higher stakes moment that I'm in, the worse that this gets.
So I was talking to a colleague about this, and we were wondering if this correlates to Enneagram types.
I think it's really illustrative, and I, I suspect that there are a few Enneagram types that are even more susceptible to this particular emotion, kind of the anticipation of being evaluated or the fear of what is, or how we're going to be judged for our actions.
Um, and when I-- as I am recording this episode, I've just come out of a week of kind of high stakes days, a few high stakes days that were s- um, strung together, which again, part of this summer of adventure that I'm having.
But I had one in the morning and one in the early afternoon on the very same day.
And speaking days are always high stakes, right? You're gonna be in front of a room.
Um, and so, you know, it's easy to get in your head about is it gonna be good enough, all the way down to, like, what are you gonna wear, right? And then on the next day, I was gonna get on a plane and go to New York to see, um, kind of unexpectedly, my college housemates.
We're pretty sure it had been more than 20 years since we were all together.
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