The Search | Chapter 4

As the 1980s were ending, life continued to be complicated for Melanie.

Ricky, still legally her husband, was never too far away from her, even as she embarked on new relationships.

By then, Melissa had decided their relationship could only ever be friendship.

Any romantic love she'd felt for Ricky was long gone, replaced with something closer to that of a sibling.

She forgave him for the violence and chaos of their years together, recognizing they'd both been young, traumatized, and ill-equipped to handle parenthood or addiction.

She moved on to other relationships and other towns, but Ricky remained a fixed point in her life, someone she always drifted back to, lived with off and on, and tried to rescue from himself more than once.

I was living with Ricky.

We were separated, but we were living together.

I was living with Chalky, which was my boyfriend at the time.

I was living with my ex-boyfriend, Fuzzy.

We were all sharing an apartment together.

So it was me, Ricky, Chalky, and Fuzzy.

Everything was a scheme to make money in those days, to pay the bills, to get their fix, to survive.

Ricky paid the rent.

I paid for the groceries and the drugs.

Chalky, his gimmick was the, he would put a quarter on a string and go to the soda machine, and he would pull out all the nickels and the soda, all the free sodas you could get.

That was his thing.

And then Fuzzy, I don't know what, I don't know what he was doing, but he was getting money on the side, too.

We were just sharing the rent.

But those other relationships, just as with Ricky, were destined to eventually fail, too.

And Chalky was no better than Ricky.

Chalky was a meth head.

But, um, me in search for love.

He kept going to prison.

Um, off and on we were together, like, 16 years.