Why aren't we talking about this: Sex and what we want

Yeah, I love that.

I've never heard it spoken about like that, that these are the micro moments that are found everywhere.

Um, I would love to explore something that a number of my friends have become single recently, and they seem to have this newfound sense of freedom and curiosity, and it, it's kind of made me wonder if experimentation and pleasure and sexuality are far more important than we're actually prepared to admit.

All of them seem to have kind of l- been lit up, and it's, there's something in the way that they're showing up within their bodies just walking day to day that there's something that's changed.

And I think I'm one of those.

I'm like, "I want some of that.

How do I get that?" But at the same time, I also don't wanna divorce my husband.

So how do you get that without taking drastic action and losing the relationship?

Oh, thank you so much for asking that specific question in that specific way, 'cause you're seeing something that is very easy to correlate with, oh, pleasure's on the other side of divorce.

Maybe.

[laughs] And it doesn't necessarily have to do with that.

There's a lot of maybe permission that they've now given themselves through that, that they didn't feel was available in their relationship.

I can't speak to obviously specific relationships without knowing, you know, the people involved and working with them.

But what is happening is this sense of renewal, this permission slip, this, you know, this wasn't in the plan, so I don't know what this is gonna be, therefore it can be anything.

We can give ourselves that permission in a relationship as well.

The difference is that we're, we're, we're doing that with someone else, right? So it involves partnership, right? You both have to be willing to get a little bit uncomfortable with yourselves, with each other.

Be curious, be okay with the fact that you're gonna make some mistakes, that stuff's gonna be unexpected, and really go on that relationtrip, as I call it, together.

'Cause it's, we treat relationship like it's this place we get to.

Like, oh, we're together, we're married, we did the thing.

Like, we're there now.

Done.

Like we're done talking about if we, if we even talked about any of this stuff in the beginning anyway.

So there's a few things happening, right? Like, to answer your first question, yes.

Emphatic, emphatic, full body yes.

Sexuality, pleasure is far more important than we give it credit for, and it blows my mind that it's not a consideration when we're dating and looking for partnership.