Oct 3, 2026 · 31 min · 12 segments
Apply for 1:1 coaching **What you'll learn in this episode:** You get along, care about each other, and rarely fight...but how **close** are you…
Stephanie GanowskiHostHe was like, what? And I said, most men don't understand that there's such a big difference between being in a pleasant relationship and being actually close and having a close relationship.
And the difference is is that a pleasant relationship you sweep the bad stuff under the rug you just say oh happy wife happy life i'll just do it even though i don't want to do it i'll just do it to keep you happy and you guys have an argument and then you don't repair you don't ever address that argument again and like make it better you just move on you just pretend it didn't happen or you Just like, all right, well, whatever.
And that's how you end your arguments just for the sake of not feeling uncomfortable in a conflict because you think that conflict's bad.
So to keep a pleasant relationship, it's just like, all right, avoid the elephant in the room.
Don't do hard things because then we don't have to have hard conversations.
If we get in a fight, try to just avoid it or stop it from happening and and we should be happy, right? We're happy.
Most of the time, there's not a satisfying sex life that comes with this kind of connection because it's not a real connection, right? It's not a connection.
That's you acting from fear, your relationship acting from a place of fear.
You can't even have a conversation when you disagree with something without getting defensive or changing the topic or talking down to each other.
If that's the case and you're just trying to avoid shit, And just to keep a smiley face, you're losing closeness.
So yeah, from the surface, when you go hang out with friends or you see family, yeah, you smile, you look happy, you act happy, and maybe you even think you're happy at this point.
But a lot of guys have this mentality of like, if it's not broke, don't fix it.
So you think if nothing really bad is happening or even just something bad at all is happening, then things are automatically good.
The amount of guys who tell me that they have a great relationship and then once I get some details about their relationship, I'm like, dude, you have all the four horsemen.
He was like, what? And I said, most men don't understand that there's such a big difference between being in a pleasant relationship and being actually close and having a close relationship.
And the difference is is that a pleasant relationship you sweep the bad stuff under the rug you just say oh happy wife happy life i'll just do it even though i don't want to do it i'll just do it to keep you happy and you guys have an argument and then you don't repair you don't ever address that argument again and like make it better you just move on you just pretend it didn't happen or you Just like, all right, well, whatever.
And that's how you end your arguments just for the sake of not feeling uncomfortable in a conflict because you think that conflict's bad.
So to keep a pleasant relationship, it's just like, all right, avoid the elephant in the room.
Don't do hard things because then we don't have to have hard conversations.
If we get in a fight, try to just avoid it or stop it from happening and and we should be happy, right? We're happy.
Most of the time, there's not a satisfying sex life that comes with this kind of connection because it's not a real connection, right? It's not a connection.
That's you acting from fear, your relationship acting from a place of fear.
You can't even have a conversation when you disagree with something without getting defensive or changing the topic or talking down to each other.
If that's the case and you're just trying to avoid shit, And just to keep a smiley face, you're losing closeness.
So yeah, from the surface, when you go hang out with friends or you see family, yeah, you smile, you look happy, you act happy, and maybe you even think you're happy at this point.
But a lot of guys have this mentality of like, if it's not broke, don't fix it.
So you think if nothing really bad is happening or even just something bad at all is happening, then things are automatically good.
The amount of guys who tell me that they have a great relationship and then once I get some details about their relationship, I'm like, dude, you have all the four horsemen.
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