The Power of Repair

Okay, the sequence looks a little bit like this.

You might recognize it in your own relationship.

You're feeling connected.

You're attuned to one another.

We'll talk about what that means in a moment.

But you're sort of in alignment.

You feel on the same page.

Then there's something that happens.

There's some kind of disruption.

There's a misunderstanding.

There's an interruption while one person is talking.

There's a different meaning that gets extracted from something that is said.

There's an interpretation that doesn't feel right from one partner to the other.

There can be all kinds of disruptions.

Maybe the kids run in and one partner begins to feel really frustrated because they really wanted to get some stuff out and talk to the partner.

Whatever it is that happens, there's some kind of disruption.

Then there is the ability to become dysregulated with one another.

And during this disruption, right, when we feel disconnected, that's when these cycles can take over.

That's when we can move into a defensive or protective posture.

That is when we can put up our walls.

That is when we can read into what our partner is saying that may or may not be there.

That's when past trauma can be triggered.

These are sort of those vicious cycles that we talk about so much on this particular channel.

And, of course, we can get dysregulated as well.

We might go into fight or flight, freeze or fawn, whatever that might be.