TFMR: Couple experience

Yeah, and what also really resonates with what you're saying and what we've heard quite often, quite a lot of other men or partners talk about is they're staying positive.

This is something I've heard before that they kind of go, no, no, no, it's going to be all right.

It's not always the case.

Sometimes it's swapped around, but they generally take the kind of it's going to be all right.

And a woman in this case has a more kind of a sense that something is off track.

And

it was absolutely the role, like I'm devastated to this day that Jonathan's optimism wasn't correct or the outcome that we got.

But it was absolutely the role I needed him to play.

And

it's actually funny because I think in our relationship, I'm normally probably the more optimistic of the two.

And there was just something about those measurements early on.

I actually had a little bit of just general, completely unfounded anxiety with it being my first pregnancy.

But from 20 weeks on, I don't know if it's correct to say I had mother's intuition, but this was a sort of de novo mutation we've consequently discovered and we were so unlucky.

So, you know, probability and statistics and odds were on our side and it was just devastating to be the wrong side of that statistic.

But very much Jonathan's role during that to keep positive, you know, he was armed with every statistic under the sun about Hugo's diagnosis and our odds and, you know, deep in Reddit and forums with all the happy outcomes.

but unfortunately that's that's not what we got with our baby

yeah that was my reflection as well it's sort of the I'm I think in our relationship I'm probably maybe not the most positive person all the time but I think I sort of clung on like a lifeboat really to a lot of the statistics and honestly when we found out on the Friday I stayed up the entire night and I read every single medical paper out there on Hugo's condition and I mean every single one for 12 hours straight And that helps up to a certain point, I guess.

But, you know, the numbers are sort of the numbers and you never really know how you're going to feel, I guess.

And it doesn't really help make a decision and probably didn't influence our decision in the end, actually, all that much.

So I guess Victoria's intuition was correct, I guess, even though as sad as that is.

Yeah, it's it's that, you know, I'm hearing the kind of let's get the facts, let's get the information, you know, in all of this.

I mean, I've been doing this now.

I think this is our sixth year of doing episodes.

And of course, I have my own experience as well.

And I think the thing that termination for medical reasons is, is a huge life experience of uncertainty.