The Obituary Section

I'm Phoebe Judge, and this is love.

Before Heather writes anything down about a person, she listens to stories about them.

I typically

ask a family, once we've kind of gotten through the details and everybody's not as emotional, to just start throwing out words that remind them, you know, that describe the deceased.

People usually say things

like generous, kind, or smart.

One woman told Heather that her mother was a good listener.

And so then I asked, well, in what way? And she told me that she'd come home every day after school and her mother would be ironing in the kitchen.

And, you know, the old-fashioned iron with the starched wet stuff in the basket and the little spritzer thing and the steam.

And it would be this big thing.

And her mother ironed pillowcases, underwear, everything.

She said she always was ironing for a good two hours every day.

And she would just tell her mother about her day and sit and talk.

And her mom would be busy ironing and quiet, thus a good listener.

But then she said, I came home from college and My mom wasn't ironing anymore.

And I said, what happened? How come you stopped ironing? And she said, I only did it.

So you would talk to me after school.

What do you do when someone's life hasn't, there are good parts in everyone's life, but what about if there's bad, really bad parts? You know, if the person was just, it was a jerk, you know, how do you handle that? You make it short.

No, I'm not kidding.

I mean, then you fall right back on, like, the death

notice, what the original purpose of an obituary is.

You don't turn them into a great person.

You might say he was a good dog trainer.

You might have a quote that someone says, boy, he really had great hunting dogs.

Sometimes the bad parts do show up in Heather's obituaries.

I'm Phoebe Judge, and this is love.

Before Heather writes anything down about a person, she listens to stories about them.

I typically

ask a family, once we've kind of gotten through the details and everybody's not as emotional, to just start throwing out words that remind them, you know, that describe the deceased.

People usually say things

like generous, kind, or smart.

One woman told Heather that her mother was a good listener.

And so then I asked, well, in what way? And she told me that she'd come home every day after school and her mother would be ironing in the kitchen.

And, you know, the old-fashioned iron with the starched wet stuff in the basket and the little spritzer thing and the steam.

And it would be this big thing.

And her mother ironed pillowcases, underwear, everything.

She said she always was ironing for a good two hours every day.

And she would just tell her mother about her day and sit and talk.

And her mom would be busy ironing and quiet, thus a good listener.

But then she said, I came home from college and My mom wasn't ironing anymore.

And I said, what happened? How come you stopped ironing? And she said, I only did it.

So you would talk to me after school.

What do you do when someone's life hasn't, there are good parts in everyone's life, but what about if there's bad, really bad parts? You know, if the person was just, it was a jerk, you know, how do you handle that? You make it short.

No, I'm not kidding.

I mean, then you fall right back on, like, the death

notice, what the original purpose of an obituary is.

You don't turn them into a great person.

You might say he was a good dog trainer.

You might have a quote that someone says, boy, he really had great hunting dogs.

Sometimes the bad parts do show up in Heather's obituaries.