Aug 26, 2026 · 1 hr 12 min · 9 segments
Is there a difference between being nice and being kind? In this episode, we explore the subtle—but important—distinction between these two ways of relating to others. We discuss how being "nice" is…
But with that, why don't we launch into this episode? What are we talking about today? Today, we are going to talk about nice versus kind.
So we've talked lots about people pleasing and what's driving that and fear and making everything feel good.
So I thought today we'd just start with the actual definitions, the difference in the world.
So the dictionary defines nice with words like pleasing, agreeable, appropriate, fitting, respectable, pleasant, delightful, enjoyable, pleasing, good, satisfying, pretty.
Kind is described with words, being of a sympathetic or helpful nature, gentle, to give pleasure, relief, affectionate, loving, compassionate, benevolent, thoughtful, humane, and gracious.
So I think that society nowadays has gotten to a place where we really interchange those words as both having the same meaning and they actually could be more opposite in a lot of ways.
They both have a feeling of like, they can both have a positive connotation.
Right, a good intention.
Yeah, but I think when
you really
look at
them, especially in the context of people pleasing, They don't necessarily have positive connotations and they're quite opposite, right? So for me, when I look at the definitions of nice, they are very external, superficial, you know, like we talk about trying to make things okay and safe, like smooth the icing over, make things okay.
Whereas kind is a much more internal thing.
moral, character-bound.
You're operating more out of a belief system, I think.
And I think it's just much more internally rooted in who you fundamentally are as a person, maybe.
And nice feels like manners, right? It's performative, it's expectation, societal, to fit into society and not a core value.
Yeah.
And I have to really admit, I've not... given the distinction much thought, very much of the mindset of like, oh yeah, I want to be nice and I want to be kind.
I want to be those things.
I hope that I am those things without really thinking about like what that actually means, what that actually looks like and how it actually feels.
And I think that we are taught to be nice at a very young age.
It is very much a manner things like you're pleased and thank yous and yeah, being nice, being a good friend, being nice.
And I do think that just the creation or the concept of manners in itself is very like appeasing, very like performative.
Like, okay, we're going to grandma and grandpa's and you're going to be nice or you're going to school.
But with that, why don't we launch into this episode? What are we talking about today? Today, we are going to talk about nice versus kind.
So we've talked lots about people pleasing and what's driving that and fear and making everything feel good.
So I thought today we'd just start with the actual definitions, the difference in the world.
So the dictionary defines nice with words like pleasing, agreeable, appropriate, fitting, respectable, pleasant, delightful, enjoyable, pleasing, good, satisfying, pretty.
Kind is described with words, being of a sympathetic or helpful nature, gentle, to give pleasure, relief, affectionate, loving, compassionate, benevolent, thoughtful, humane, and gracious.
So I think that society nowadays has gotten to a place where we really interchange those words as both having the same meaning and they actually could be more opposite in a lot of ways.
They both have a feeling of like, they can both have a positive connotation.
Right, a good intention.
Yeah, but I think when
you really
look at
them, especially in the context of people pleasing, They don't necessarily have positive connotations and they're quite opposite, right? So for me, when I look at the definitions of nice, they are very external, superficial, you know, like we talk about trying to make things okay and safe, like smooth the icing over, make things okay.
Whereas kind is a much more internal thing.
moral, character-bound.
You're operating more out of a belief system, I think.
And I think it's just much more internally rooted in who you fundamentally are as a person, maybe.
And nice feels like manners, right? It's performative, it's expectation, societal, to fit into society and not a core value.
Yeah.
And I have to really admit, I've not... given the distinction much thought, very much of the mindset of like, oh yeah, I want to be nice and I want to be kind.
I want to be those things.
I hope that I am those things without really thinking about like what that actually means, what that actually looks like and how it actually feels.
And I think that we are taught to be nice at a very young age.
It is very much a manner things like you're pleased and thank yous and yeah, being nice, being a good friend, being nice.
And I do think that just the creation or the concept of manners in itself is very like appeasing, very like performative.
Like, okay, we're going to grandma and grandpa's and you're going to be nice or you're going to school.
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