Oct 14, 2026 · 15 min · 8 segments
On the Couch with Psychotherapist Frank Rubino: The Sandwich Generation - Difficult Family Dynamics with Ageing Parents Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for…
Lucy Ann LanceHostFor them, I think it oftentimes boils down to fear, but this is where the relationships come into play.
If the relationship between adult, uh, parent and adult child is good, then these things can go smoothly.
When the relationships are not good, when they're not ideal, then things can get really, really difficult.
And, you know, if they're not ideal, if there has been, uh, strife in the family all along, you also get resentment from, I think, that adult child who now is being forced to deal with, uh, a situation that maybe they hadn't planned on.
Hadn't planned on, maybe emotionally aren't equipped to handle, and perhaps due to the relationship, not desiring to handle it.
Well, I wish there was one simple fix for that, but I think what's important is to recognize that it isn't as simple as, oh, your parent is aging.
It doesn't matter what the relationship that you have with your parents is or was, and I think that's not people's right to be able to say.
Sometimes people have terrible relationships with their parents, uh, and they don't want t- to engage in the difficulties of taking driver's licenses away or the car away or, or finding placement for them, or, or some of the really, really hard, heavy things that happen during that time.
Well, not only that, but if a parent is already pushing back on a child who has to step in to do these things, um, if it's a child that there has been a problem with, uh, you don't trust that child necessarily.
So how are you gonna give up your life, your independence to someone who maybe hadn't respected you in the past or you had issues with? And now you're like, "Oh, my gosh, they're gonna make a decision that could change my life? I, I don't trust them to do that." [laughs]
But sure, and I think that's something that we, we tend to not think enough about.
We, we tend to think, "Well, this person is aging and maybe has stopped making some really good decisions, or maybe, uh, is, is, is struggling with being able to make easy decisions, and so therefore we're going to discount everything this person says," and that's not fair either.
And I'll tell you, oftentimes as, as odd as it is, a- adults, adult parents, a- as we age, we sort of become like children again in a lot of ways.
As our cognition begins to slow down, as our problem-solving skills begin to, to lose their sharpness, we have a tendency to react emotionally when we get to g- get aging that way, and it can make the very simple decisions, uh, very, very difficult.
And you know what I found out is that family members don't always realize that's what's going on, because we, we put blinders on.
For them, I think it oftentimes boils down to fear, but this is where the relationships come into play.
If the relationship between adult, uh, parent and adult child is good, then these things can go smoothly.
When the relationships are not good, when they're not ideal, then things can get really, really difficult.
And, you know, if they're not ideal, if there has been, uh, strife in the family all along, you also get resentment from, I think, that adult child who now is being forced to deal with, uh, a situation that maybe they hadn't planned on.
Hadn't planned on, maybe emotionally aren't equipped to handle, and perhaps due to the relationship, not desiring to handle it.
Well, I wish there was one simple fix for that, but I think what's important is to recognize that it isn't as simple as, oh, your parent is aging.
It doesn't matter what the relationship that you have with your parents is or was, and I think that's not people's right to be able to say.
Sometimes people have terrible relationships with their parents, uh, and they don't want t- to engage in the difficulties of taking driver's licenses away or the car away or, or finding placement for them, or, or some of the really, really hard, heavy things that happen during that time.
Well, not only that, but if a parent is already pushing back on a child who has to step in to do these things, um, if it's a child that there has been a problem with, uh, you don't trust that child necessarily.
So how are you gonna give up your life, your independence to someone who maybe hadn't respected you in the past or you had issues with? And now you're like, "Oh, my gosh, they're gonna make a decision that could change my life? I, I don't trust them to do that." [laughs]
But sure, and I think that's something that we, we tend to not think enough about.
We, we tend to think, "Well, this person is aging and maybe has stopped making some really good decisions, or maybe, uh, is, is, is struggling with being able to make easy decisions, and so therefore we're going to discount everything this person says," and that's not fair either.
And I'll tell you, oftentimes as, as odd as it is, a- adults, adult parents, a- as we age, we sort of become like children again in a lot of ways.
As our cognition begins to slow down, as our problem-solving skills begin to, to lose their sharpness, we have a tendency to react emotionally when we get to g- get aging that way, and it can make the very simple decisions, uh, very, very difficult.
And you know what I found out is that family members don't always realize that's what's going on, because we, we put blinders on.
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