The Marriage Mistake That Pushes Your Spouse Away

Okay.

A lot of spouses on here, the people that are listening are usually the one more interested in marriage.

You know, so, so you got a spouse listening, their marriage doesn't feel super connected, doesn't feel super invested.

They're going along.

They're just okay.

What should that listener do to try to bring life to the marriage that may be just kind of limping along?

Absolutely.

I think, One really important way is you're attracting your spouse to you.

And so rather than a lot of times, you know, I, I work more with husbands now, um, instead of having the, let's have a sit down, come to Jesus conversation, right? That's the phrase, right? Let's have this direct.

I need to tell you how I'm not feeling good in our marriage.

And I found this great podcast and Hey, will you please read this? And will you do this? And we need to directly deal with this.

Um, What I love to talk about is actually let's not do that conversation at all because direct communication is great in business settings, great with your colleagues, maybe even great with your siblings or extended family, but it's not often the best thing in a marriage depending on your marital health.

So if you have a low marital health score, somewhere out of four or three out of 10, if you're fully open with them, if you're a 10 out of 10 openness, but you're a three out of 10 in marital health, that means most of the stuff you're going to share in all that openness is negative, is criticism, is complaining, is basically pointing the finger and saying, you're not doing a good job at this thing called marriage.

And that moves you from a three out of four, a three out of 10 to a two out of 10.

But instead, if we use words like the Bible tells us to, where the rash words, the words of the rash are like sword thrusts, but the words of the wise bring healing, why then we can use our words differently.

appropriately to where we are in our marital health.

So if we're out of three out of 10, but we focus in on the good in our spouse, and there's always good if we look for it, there's always good if we look for it in our spouse, but we focus on that, we talk about that, then that can bring us up to a four out of 10.

And then we can have more kinds of conversations.

But that direct communication is just not wise to where you are in your marriage.

Yeah, I think there's a lot of wisdom there because people don't tend to do well in areas they just think they're always failing.

And a lot

of spouses feel like they just can't win, you know, no matter what they do.

It's just it's not enough.

And I know in my life, the people that are the most common sources of criticism input aren't the people that I tend to want to call the most.

That's

Okay.

A lot of spouses on here, the people that are listening are usually the one more interested in marriage.

You know, so, so you got a spouse listening, their marriage doesn't feel super connected, doesn't feel super invested.

They're going along.

They're just okay.

What should that listener do to try to bring life to the marriage that may be just kind of limping along?

Absolutely.

I think, One really important way is you're attracting your spouse to you.

And so rather than a lot of times, you know, I, I work more with husbands now, um, instead of having the, let's have a sit down, come to Jesus conversation, right? That's the phrase, right? Let's have this direct.

I need to tell you how I'm not feeling good in our marriage.

And I found this great podcast and Hey, will you please read this? And will you do this? And we need to directly deal with this.

Um, What I love to talk about is actually let's not do that conversation at all because direct communication is great in business settings, great with your colleagues, maybe even great with your siblings or extended family, but it's not often the best thing in a marriage depending on your marital health.

So if you have a low marital health score, somewhere out of four or three out of 10, if you're fully open with them, if you're a 10 out of 10 openness, but you're a three out of 10 in marital health, that means most of the stuff you're going to share in all that openness is negative, is criticism, is complaining, is basically pointing the finger and saying, you're not doing a good job at this thing called marriage.

And that moves you from a three out of four, a three out of 10 to a two out of 10.

But instead, if we use words like the Bible tells us to, where the rash words, the words of the rash are like sword thrusts, but the words of the wise bring healing, why then we can use our words differently.

appropriately to where we are in our marital health.

So if we're out of three out of 10, but we focus in on the good in our spouse, and there's always good if we look for it, there's always good if we look for it in our spouse, but we focus on that, we talk about that, then that can bring us up to a four out of 10.

And then we can have more kinds of conversations.

But that direct communication is just not wise to where you are in your marriage.

Yeah, I think there's a lot of wisdom there because people don't tend to do well in areas they just think they're always failing.

And a lot

of spouses feel like they just can't win, you know, no matter what they do.

It's just it's not enough.

And I know in my life, the people that are the most common sources of criticism input aren't the people that I tend to want to call the most.

That's