Nice Guy Or Good Man? Let’s Talk About It

I'm curious, what does this look like for the partner of a nice guy?

Yeah, I mean, it's a big one and it's what drives a lot of men to work with me, frankly, is long-term, what I like to say about us nice guys is we're actually not that nice and we're not trustable.

And what I mean by that is, so my mentor, Dr. Glover, who literally wrote the book, he came up with this incredible term, covert contracts.

And once I saw it, I was like, oof, I do that everywhere, right? Wow.

Covert contracts, basically, Typical nice guy stuff.

I'm going to do this stuff for you in hopes you're going to do something back for me.

But here's the key.

I've never actually asked you if you agreed to that contract.

So it's covert.

So I'm secretly doing all this stuff to try to get something from you.

But I haven't asked you about it.

I haven't told you about it.

And what makes that challenging is often, then you don't give me what I want.

And lo and behold, I get resentful.

I'm doing all this stuff for you, but I'm not getting anything back.

And that is so common for nice guys and for their partners, it can be really frustrating.

Because they often don't actually know what their partner wants.

Their partner seems to be trying to get something from them.

This shows up huge for nice guys around sexuality in terms of, well, if I'm just super nice to you, particularly to women, then you're going to have sex with me, right? And then if you don't, I get mad about it.

I'm doing all this stuff around the house.

I'm tank of relationship.

And even deeper than that, what I'll share is part of what makes a nice guy untrustable is if you're my partner, right? And I am constantly, and this is the downside to nice guys.

They live by the platitude, right? Happy wife, happy life.

So I'm just going to do whatever you want, right? What that teaches you and what often your experiences as my partner is he can't stand up for himself.

He's just going along with what I want.