Jul 8, 2026 · 17 min · 12 segments
Are you accidentally helping your avoidant ex move on? In this episode, I analyze a real viewer’s heartbreaking story and show exactly how breaking No Contact at the wrong time changed the outcome of…
I was dumped by the guy I dated for nearly a year.
It was a long-distance relationship, and though we were crazy about each other, he was an avoidant who'd step back whenever things got real.
I always let him, never reacting visibly, but by the time he broke up with me, I was fed up and basically said, 'F it.
Just break up with me.' And he did.
I regretted it." So right away, we see the avoidant pattern.
When things were loving, exciting, and probably somewhat controlled by the long-distance dynamic, he'd lean in.
But when things got real, he stepped back.
That's very avoidant of him.
So she continues, "I was visiting him, so we had to keep cohabitating for a few days.
The day after, a friend sent me The Art of Love podcast, and I began applying what I learned immediately.
Already, he began stepping back in.
After two days, I found someone else to stay with.
He begged me not to leave, saying, 'This isn't over for us.
I know it in my bones.'" That is exactly why I tell people not to panic the moment an avoidant pulls away or ends things.
Many a- avoidants, of course, feel relief at first, but once the pressure's gone and they start experiencing your absence, the anxiety and the regret and the questioning begin.
Then she says, "I went no contact for two weeks, but the way he seemed so remorseful and how loving we were before I left made me fold like a house of cards." No.
[laughs] "I reached out saying something reminded me of him, and he responded with so much love.
'I appreciate you so much.
I always do this.
I run from relationships and hide behind bad behavior.
I'm not proud of it.
I've never felt more understood by anyone than you.' I bit." Now, this is where everyone needs to pay attention because this is the trap.
When an avoidant says, "I always run," or, "I've never felt so understood," or, "I'm not proud of my behavior," it feels like a breakthrough.
Hallelujah.
And sometimes it is a breakthrough emotionally, but emotional awareness is not the same as commitment.
I was dumped by the guy I dated for nearly a year.
It was a long-distance relationship, and though we were crazy about each other, he was an avoidant who'd step back whenever things got real.
I always let him, never reacting visibly, but by the time he broke up with me, I was fed up and basically said, 'F it.
Just break up with me.' And he did.
I regretted it." So right away, we see the avoidant pattern.
When things were loving, exciting, and probably somewhat controlled by the long-distance dynamic, he'd lean in.
But when things got real, he stepped back.
That's very avoidant of him.
So she continues, "I was visiting him, so we had to keep cohabitating for a few days.
The day after, a friend sent me The Art of Love podcast, and I began applying what I learned immediately.
Already, he began stepping back in.
After two days, I found someone else to stay with.
He begged me not to leave, saying, 'This isn't over for us.
I know it in my bones.'" That is exactly why I tell people not to panic the moment an avoidant pulls away or ends things.
Many a- avoidants, of course, feel relief at first, but once the pressure's gone and they start experiencing your absence, the anxiety and the regret and the questioning begin.
Then she says, "I went no contact for two weeks, but the way he seemed so remorseful and how loving we were before I left made me fold like a house of cards." No.
[laughs] "I reached out saying something reminded me of him, and he responded with so much love.
'I appreciate you so much.
I always do this.
I run from relationships and hide behind bad behavior.
I'm not proud of it.
I've never felt more understood by anyone than you.' I bit." Now, this is where everyone needs to pay attention because this is the trap.
When an avoidant says, "I always run," or, "I've never felt so understood," or, "I'm not proud of my behavior," it feels like a breakthrough.
Hallelujah.
And sometimes it is a breakthrough emotionally, but emotional awareness is not the same as commitment.
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