Elephants can wait.
Jul 18, 2026 · 5 min · 3 segments
It's more exciting than a mortuary freezer full of elephants... Join our audio fiction takeover of Theatreship! Three days of shows, talks and screenings on the Thames! Tickets for all events…
Jul 18, 2026 · 5 min · 3 segments
It's more exciting than a mortuary freezer full of elephants... Join our audio fiction takeover of Theatreship! Three days of shows, talks and screenings on the Thames! Tickets for all events…
[mysterious music] You know I can't be on morgue duty that week, Alvina.
I've had it blocked off in the diary for months.
Remember what that HR person said about me time? No, no, no.
They could be elephant carcasses for all I care.
They are? Just one? Still, how are we going to stuff an elephant into a mortuary freezer? [laughs] Uh, you know what? I don't care.
Figure it out.
I can't do the fifth and sixth of August, and that's that.
Yes, of course, two thousand twenty-six.
What did you think? The fifth and sixth of August two hundred BC? [laughs] Oh, actually, the fifth of August two hundred BC is when I faked Pharaoh Neferamun's death, and the sixth is when we brought him back as the god of drunkenness.
What? Oh, uh, nothing.
Um, yes, it's important.
No, it can't wait.
It's the very first screening of a new project featuring Alan Bergen.
Alan Bergen.
You know, the actor? Oh, well, I wouldn't say fan exactly.
I mean, he's no Humphrey Bogart, but I follow his career closely, okay? Oh, I don't think it's your cup of tea, Alvina.
It's called Delivery After Dark, and it's a folk horror story.
Oh, you know how much I love folk horror.
I mean, I did almost end up burnt to a crisp inside a wicker man once.
Anyway, it's really not a popcorn movie.
In fact, I'm not sure if it's a movie at all.
It says screening, but then it also says it's an audio project by people who normally make podcasts.
Yes, fiction podcasts.
Apparently, they make a very successful one called...
Wait.
[mysterious music] You know I can't be on morgue duty that week, Alvina.
I've had it blocked off in the diary for months.
Remember what that HR person said about me time? No, no, no.
They could be elephant carcasses for all I care.
They are? Just one? Still, how are we going to stuff an elephant into a mortuary freezer? [laughs] Uh, you know what? I don't care.
Figure it out.
I can't do the fifth and sixth of August, and that's that.
Yes, of course, two thousand twenty-six.
What did you think? The fifth and sixth of August two hundred BC? [laughs] Oh, actually, the fifth of August two hundred BC is when I faked Pharaoh Neferamun's death, and the sixth is when we brought him back as the god of drunkenness.
What? Oh, uh, nothing.
Um, yes, it's important.
No, it can't wait.
It's the very first screening of a new project featuring Alan Bergen.
Alan Bergen.
You know, the actor? Oh, well, I wouldn't say fan exactly.
I mean, he's no Humphrey Bogart, but I follow his career closely, okay? Oh, I don't think it's your cup of tea, Alvina.
It's called Delivery After Dark, and it's a folk horror story.
Oh, you know how much I love folk horror.
I mean, I did almost end up burnt to a crisp inside a wicker man once.
Anyway, it's really not a popcorn movie.
In fact, I'm not sure if it's a movie at all.
It says screening, but then it also says it's an audio project by people who normally make podcasts.
Yes, fiction podcasts.
Apparently, they make a very successful one called...
Wait.
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