Amelia's Appraisals Prologue - A Growth Industry

"Together, let us bring the death faking industry into the 21st century.

Yours in plausible deniability, Kaleem Faridi, president of the International Death Fakers Union.

Uh, PS, sample form of falsified fatality enclosed.

Going forward, please submit an FFF within 48 hours of each disappearance.

Oh, PPS, shred this letter after reading, then shred the shredder, then shred the remains of the shredder that shredded the shredder." So what do you think?

I think it's another union president who's about to find out that death faking can't be regulated.

Well, he's got some interesting ideas, though.

Oh, come on.

I mean, the cold storage reciprocity scheme could be a real game changer.

Uh, what's that again?

Uh, let's see.

Oh, um, "In order to facilitate cross-border collaboration and ensure consistent standards of decoy cadaver preservation-

What?

... all member agencies will have access to the cold storage reciprocity scheme.

Under this arrangement, all accredited agencies agree to make their refrigerated facilities available to fellow members on a temporary, mutually beneficial basis."

That, that's ridiculous.

"Participating mortuaries and freezers are at your disposal, no questions asked."

Hmm.

"Temperature standards and labeling protocols must be adhered to at all times."

All right, all right, all right, but, but what about that form thingy?

Uh, the FFF?

Hmm.

Oh, uh, we have to submit one for each disappearance.

Uh, that should be easy, right? I mean, Alvina documents every disappearance anyway, so it's just a question of-

Yes, yes, yes.

"Together, let us bring the death faking industry into the 21st century.

Yours in plausible deniability, Kaleem Faridi, president of the International Death Fakers Union.

Uh, PS, sample form of falsified fatality enclosed.

Going forward, please submit an FFF within 48 hours of each disappearance.

Oh, PPS, shred this letter after reading, then shred the shredder, then shred the remains of the shredder that shredded the shredder." So what do you think?

I think it's another union president who's about to find out that death faking can't be regulated.

Well, he's got some interesting ideas, though.

Oh, come on.

I mean, the cold storage reciprocity scheme could be a real game changer.

Uh, what's that again?

Uh, let's see.

Oh, um, "In order to facilitate cross-border collaboration and ensure consistent standards of decoy cadaver preservation-

What?

... all member agencies will have access to the cold storage reciprocity scheme.

Under this arrangement, all accredited agencies agree to make their refrigerated facilities available to fellow members on a temporary, mutually beneficial basis."

That, that's ridiculous.

"Participating mortuaries and freezers are at your disposal, no questions asked."

Hmm.

"Temperature standards and labeling protocols must be adhered to at all times."

All right, all right, all right, but, but what about that form thingy?

Uh, the FFF?

Hmm.

Oh, uh, we have to submit one for each disappearance.

Uh, that should be easy, right? I mean, Alvina documents every disappearance anyway, so it's just a question of-

Yes, yes, yes.