Jul 19, 2026 · 35 min · 10 segments
Everyone talks about the beginning of healing—the boundaries, the breakthroughs, the courage to walk away. But no one talks about what comes after. No one tells you how quiet your life becomes when…
why you start seeing people differently, why you start questioning everything and maybe everyone, and the reasons behind that not being just some selfish decision.
This often actually means that your nervous system is finally becoming safe enough to tell the truth to yourself and to others, but maybe not aloud to others.
Psychologically, that's not actually what happens first.
Identity is one of the deepest parts of who we are.
Our brains build an identity based on repetition.
Every experience, every relationship, every reaction, every trauma, every compliment, every criticism, all of that becomes our identity.
It's kind of a road to who we are and who we've become.
There is a word that neuroscientists use called self schema.
A self-schema is a collection of beliefs that we hold about ourselves.
Some examples may include, I'm the peacemaker, I'm the caretaker, I'm too sensitive, I'm too difficult, I have to learn to do this differently or that differently, I have to earn love in a certain way.
Many of these beliefs are not conscious.
They simply become automatic pathways in the brain.
Research studies show that in cognitive psychology, our brains prefer consistency over accuracy.
That means your brain would rather stay familiar than become healthier.
And so that makes sense when we think about things like being in a toxic relationship.
Or the patterns that, say, I've developed over time.
And I had talked about a couple of those in the last episode.
why you start seeing people differently, why you start questioning everything and maybe everyone, and the reasons behind that not being just some selfish decision.
This often actually means that your nervous system is finally becoming safe enough to tell the truth to yourself and to others, but maybe not aloud to others.
Psychologically, that's not actually what happens first.
Identity is one of the deepest parts of who we are.
Our brains build an identity based on repetition.
Every experience, every relationship, every reaction, every trauma, every compliment, every criticism, all of that becomes our identity.
It's kind of a road to who we are and who we've become.
There is a word that neuroscientists use called self schema.
A self-schema is a collection of beliefs that we hold about ourselves.
Some examples may include, I'm the peacemaker, I'm the caretaker, I'm too sensitive, I'm too difficult, I have to learn to do this differently or that differently, I have to earn love in a certain way.
Many of these beliefs are not conscious.
They simply become automatic pathways in the brain.
Research studies show that in cognitive psychology, our brains prefer consistency over accuracy.
That means your brain would rather stay familiar than become healthier.
And so that makes sense when we think about things like being in a toxic relationship.
Or the patterns that, say, I've developed over time.
And I had talked about a couple of those in the last episode.
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