S02E08 A New Kind of Green

This week, everyone in Grant High is either stalking someone, accusing someone of having sex, trying to buy a house to improve their stalking capabilities, or discussing the romantic future of Molly Ringwald like she’s a distressed property. George and Skipper kick things off by squaring off over Molly Ringwald’s pregnancy. George wants his family back; Skipper insists he can still live happily ever after with Anne, despite apparently never bonding with either of her daughters. Truly irresistible stuff. Meanwhile, Adrian has decided George’s house would be the PERFECT family home, primarily because it offers unparalleled sightlines directly into Ricky’s life. Reuben points out that “proximity to your teenage daughter’s boyfriend” has limited resale value, but eventually agrees to take a look. Across the street, Amy is interrogating Ricky about the question currently consuming her entire existence: DID BEN HAVE SEX IN BOLOGNA? Ricky suggests she simply have sex with Ben herself. Amy explains that she doesn’t actually want sex — she just needs to know whether Ben has already had it. Healthy. Amy also learns Ricky stayed over repeatedly during the summer, George starts wondering whether Amy and Ricky are secretly banging, and Ashley casually points out that Amy nearly leaves the house without John. Motherhood is going GREAT. At school, Ricky attempts to confess his cheating to Adrian, but Adrian basically says, “If you cheated on me, we’d be over, so please never tell me anything.” Problem solved. Ben, meanwhile, unveils his exciting new relationship strategy: **cribbage**. He wants it to become his and Amy’s lifelong pastime. Amy later chooses cribbage over making out with him, proving that Ben has somehow found something less sexually exciting than Ben. Grace discovers Jack spent the summer hanging out with Strawberry Shortcake through the Dead Parents Club and immediately becomes jealous. She later INVITES Strawberry Shortcake over to prove she isn’t jealous, while Jack and SS exchange approximately seventeen suspicious looks. Nothing to see here! Ashley and Griffin, meanwhile, maintain their “no dating in high school” pact while random boys hit on both of them. Honestly, considering every relationship on this show ends in pregnancy, adultery or a dead parent, this remains the smartest storyline. Skipper and Molly Ringwald finally break up. He graciously tells her she can come back once she realizes George sucks, mentions that he never really bonded with her children anyway, and gives her Amy’s promised SUV as compensation for unpaid labour. Romance! Adrian then visits Ricky’s Sex Attic and proposes that maybe they both stop sleeping with other people. Ricky responds with perhaps the most honest line ever spoken on this series: **“Adrian, we’re in high school. And I’m… me.”** Finally, Amy arrives to collect John and discovers ADRIAN HOLDING HER BABY. Amy reacts as though Adrian has kidnapped John and joined an international trafficking ring, bans her from touching him, bans Ricky from having him, and — most importantly — declares Adrian’s family may NOT buy George’s house. Adrian smiles. George already accepted their offer. So next week Amy may have Ricky’s girlfriend living directly across the street. A new kind of green indeed.