Why Letting Go Feels Worse Than Staying with Chelli Pumphrey | S4E09

Yeah, so I want to talk about this part in particular and how, oh, it feels like it's the super glue in these relationships, right? It

does.

And, you know, I think one thing I want to just start with is that there are a lot of people who talk about the different ingredient or like different aspects of a trauma bomb.

It's like an addiction thing.

It's like you're going through withdrawal, like all this chemical stuff happening in your body.

And then other people talk about it in like, well, very focused on cognitive dissonance, which is a part of it for those of us who understand cognitive dissonance.

And I look at it as like there are all these aspects happening.

And it can be biochemical in our bodies.

It can be the cognitive dissonance where we are in this analysis paralysis of is this person good or bad? Is this abusive or is this just your run-of-the-mill relationship with some conflict here and there? Should I stay or should I go? But I dive in on a deeper level into attachment theory and why it feels like we are like pulling a limb off to leave this relationship.

Like even physically it feels that way.

It does.

I used to say that.

It literally felt like I was cutting off my left arm.

It was the worst possible feeling in the world.

And as I started learning about what this was, I'm like, oh, it's a trauma bond.

And I first heard that term from my therapist, actually.

I know a lot of people learned that word on TikTok, perhaps from me even, but I learned it from my therapist.

And for a moment, I was like, oh, that's what it is.

Perfect.

Now I know what it is.

I'm not crazy.

And yet...

I still wanted this person.

So I know this is like a cliche thing to say, but you know, insight alone does not create detachment.

It's so true.