Misdirected fury at the Lab of Ornithology: Cornell's Reckoning

With victims of gender-based violence, whether physical or sexual, start by believing.

The shame, the guilt, the corrosive self-doubt.

These are not evidence against an account, but proof of its truth.

A person may hold their assault inside for weeks, months, years, if they choose to tell you.

Your first and only job is to say, I believe you.

Listen, don't interrupt.

The story may come out broken, out of order, full of holes where memory should be.

Your silence is a form of respect.

Your attention is a kind of safety.

Tell them it is not their fault.

The blame belongs entirely to the person or persons who chose to commit harm.

Say this clearly.

Say it more than once.

It's not your fault.

Do not ask for details they do not offer.

Do not turn their trauma into your curiosity.

Ask instead how they are feeling.

Ask what they need.

Thank them for trusting you.

Tell them you are here now and later.

That you will keep their confidence.

That you will support whatever choices they make.

Do not pressure them to report.

There are countless reasons not to.

Like fear, exhaustion, the certainty that nothing will come of it.